Today will always be a very special day. I am writing this post the night before, tired from a full day of happily chasing my toddler. When I put him to bed, we have our special snuggle time and I feel it’s always our little time of gratitude together. We both see each other, and really feel in that moment. His sly little smile from behind the crib bars as he puckers up his tiny little lips to give me a goodnight kiss. I dreamed for so long to see that face in front of me. Becoming a mother is the best thing to ever happen to me and my most cherished responsibility. Being a mother is challenging myself to grow with another human and learn and adapt with him.
The past few months, Otis has become to fascinated and in love with flowers. On our daily walks through the neighborhood, we walk down a few doors to our neighbors and Otis walks their path smelling all the flowers chanting “Flo flow” as he points to the different blooms. He sometimes doesn’t even get close to the flowers but takes in the deepest sniff in the air as he closes his eyes and concentrates. It just blows my mind being able to watch him grow and not only experience things but truly enjoy those experiences.
We were able to run free in empty field as Otis pointed at the ocean he could see in the distance and running through the wild flowers. Pausing to smell them, pausing to point. Chatting away. He was in such a mood (the kissy face photo with his sour puss face is my FAVORITE) that day but it’s wild that even in those frantic toddler moments there is always beauty in them.
Motherhood is far from perfect but that doesn’t mean you cant have the most beautiful moments together. Embrace the messiness and take pause to enjoy those small moments together.
Many of you know we were in the process of an embryo transfer that got cancelled due to Covid-19 and while we wish our situation could be different now, I know our time will come soon to start back up. For all my fertility warriors out there feeling helpless especially on a day like today, I see you. My heart is sending your heart a hug because I know that dark struggle. Stay strong and never give up. Otis is my little miracle boy and I know he was worth the fight and his future sibling is worth that fight too.
Happy Mothers Day friends.
photos by Lua