Infertility + IVF

eatsleepwear, Kimberly Lapides, infertility, IVF

Writing these sentences almost still feels like a dream. Well, I should rephrase, it actually feels like a nightmare. If you or someone close to you has battled with infertility, I wish I could reach out and hug them through the screen. It’s something I would not wish on my worst enemy. The process is like a big rollercoaster filled with ups and downs, and when you are down, not only are you down but IVF punches you in the face. It’s a war on your body and your mind. I am trying to be calm when I write this because my mom reads my blog and she would be upset if I dropped the F-Bomb in every sentence. But let me tell you… I am holding it in.  

I debated a lot about whether I wanted to share my experience with you all. It’s been such a personal and individual journey filled with endless heart break. It was when I first read Caitlin’s posts on the subject and started opening up to the people around me that I found that infertility is much more common than you might think. A big part of my process has been being open with those around me because there is no way I would have been able to endure this process staying silent. The more I talked to people and the more I talked about IVF, the more people I was able to connect with and learn from. I usually don’t get this personal, but the more I thought about it, if I am able to help 1 person with the things I learned from this experience, it will all be worth it. I want those women(and men) going through these struggles to know that you are not alone. It has been harder than I can ever put into words. I am going to try to dig in as deep as I can so if you don’t want to hear about my uterus, it’s probably a good time to stop reading. For those that have any more specific questions, please feel free to reach out. By email, by DM, however you feel comfortable. I am happy to help in any way I can. Please know I do not consider myself a great writer but I hope to share my thoughts and feelings with you as eloquently as I can. While I am sharing my experience, please also be aware that everyone’s experience with infertility is completely different. I am not stating any of these things as fact, only letting you know what happened to me, how I experienced it, and what I learned.

How we got to fertility treatments
Rewind to May 28th 2015 when Blake and I got married. It was the biggest and most important thing we had been through together to date and handsdown the best day of my life. After the wedding, we both knew we were ready to grow our family. We visited my gynecologist and got the run down. Get off birth control, genetic blood testing, prenatal vitamins, and time to get pregnant. Sounded simple right? After stopping birth control and letting my body normalize from the years and years on the pill, month by month would go by without good news. I know everyone tells you, “be patient, it will happen” but as the time started to pass, I started to worry. We then made a trip to our Gyno and started to talk about next steps. Before trying any fertility medications, we tried a natural IUI (Intrauterine insemination) where they basically place sperm inside my uterus to facilitate fertilization. Apologies for any and all science speak from here on out… I figure if you are still reading this you want to hear the in and outs so I will try to leave little out. It came and went… negative. At that point, our doctor decided it was time for us to go see a fertility specialist.

Moving onto a fertility doctor
I found my doctor through the recommendation of friends in the area. When it comes to the importance of finding the right doctor for you, you have to like this place, and like it alot. You will potentially be spending a lot of time here so it’s important you like the people working there, and especially feel confident and trust your doctor. I had no idea I would have this kind of intimate relationship with a doctor’s office because I never thought I would have to consider IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). We had a consult with our doctor and came up with a plan to move forward with. We would try some hormone therapy medications (i.e. clomid, or femara) and try an IUI again to increase our chances of getting pregnant. Now, what I didn’t do when we met with our doctor was talk about our insurance and what our options were. This was my BIGGEST mistake. If you have recently started down this road or have just started fertility treatments and you have not fully digested whether or not you have insurance coverage and discussed with your doctor, STOP EVERYTHING YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW. While Blake and I had done INSANE research on our insurance coverage, we did not discuss with the doctor or staff fully. I think we kind of got lost in the shuffle in a busy week. While you want to point the finger, it’s really on you to know your coverage and make the most of it. We didn’t realize that our gynecologist wasted one of our coverage treatments on her office services. We wasted away coverage on a small procedure when we could have saved the coverage for IVF treatment. While I never thought I would have needed to save any of my benefits for IVF, I wish that the office would have counseled me better on our best strategy based on what we had to work with. Some people are not even lucky enough to have any coverage but if you have some, no matter how small it is, it’s so important to make sure you are utilizing it smartly. Some offices have shared risk plans where you can pay for a certain amount for treatment and if you are unsuccessful you sometimes get refunded a certain portion of costs. When you are spending thousands of dollars on treatment and medications, it’s important to get all of this information, as overwhelming as if might be, upfront. Trust me, get that info so you can have it in your back pocket.

The dreaded HSG test
First things first, when you see a fertility specialist, they require an HSG test. This is the first of many uncomfortable things to come. Basically, they inject dye into your uterus while you are sitting on an x-ray table, legs in stirrups mind you, and they shoot the dye in to see whether it flows through your uterus and fallopian tubes. They take x-rays of this process to confirm or deny any structural problems you may have that could be an obstacle in getting pregnant. This was the first time that I went to trusty old GOOGLE and asked, “What is an HSG test?” what I read… was terrifying. This was my first lesson. The internet is a scary place and to take it with a grain of salt. I read horror upon horror story of the pain of this procedure. The whole reason it’s painful is that when the dye is injected it causes your uterus to cramp. I am not someone that takes a lot of medication, but I popped a valium or I would have likely had a panic attack in the waiting room. It helped me to relax and while the experience was not comfortable, it was not nearly as bad as I had read. We got the results of our test and found that everything was 100 clear so there were no issues. So we were sent back to our doctor for treatment.

4 Failed IUI’s
The whole process is beyond overwhelming. I am lucky that Blake was able to come to so many doctors appointments with me because you have super limited time in each appointment to ask the important questions you have because everything just moves so quickly. I feel like when you are dealing with any health issue, you really have to be an advocate for yourself because it’s easy to lose track of your questions and get sidetracked when you are in a busy office. I started to keep a document where I would jot down questions for my doctor and track my progress. I am someone who is soothed by information. I want to know everything about what is happening in my body as scientifically as possible. I have had other friends that would rather be blissfully unaware. Everyone has their own way of coping so find what keeps you focused and centered and do it. I tried clomid for 1 cycle and that medication thinned my uterine lining so we switched to Femara. Femara is used off label in a similar way as Clomid to stimulate ovulation. You start by taking pills to stimulate egg growth and around the time of ovulation, you take a trigger injection to “trigger” ovulation. Then the next day you go in for your IUI procedure which is usually compared to the discomfort of a pap smear. I tended to get insanely bad cramps during this procedure so my doctor recommended 1 low dose valium to relax the muscles in my uterus and this was a life saver. After my second IUI at the fertility doctor, she wanted to take a closer look inside my uterus to make sure she didn’t see anything that would be hurting my odds of getting pregnant. I had a hysteroscopy, which is where they put a tiny camera inside your uterus to take a look around. Everything was clear which was great but I still did not have any answers on why I could not get pregnant. For our last 2 IUI cycles, I did injectable medications instead of oral meds. These “stim meds” are used to stimulate egg growth and egg quantity. So you do this carefully to get more than 1 egg growing to increase your chances. This was my first introduction to injections. I will talk more on that later (I HATE NEEDLES). After 4 failed attempts, thousands of dollars, you don’t even realize how much time just flies by. Our insurance coverage was flying out the window along with prescription medication coverage was filling up fast. Not to mention, our spirits were down. Way down. While friends were getting pregnant left and right at an almost comical rate, I was still not pregnant. We knew we would have to think about next steps.

IVF, I can’t believe we got here
Before I started on this journey, you would hear the term “IVF” thrown around so easily and casually. While it’s true that many women go through the process, it’s not casual… NOT AT ALL. I think the fact that it’s so commonplace now takes away from the fact that it is an incredibly difficult, taxing, emotional, physical process that can have the most amazing rewards or the most deeply painful results. It took me a minute to wrap my head around the fact that I was indeed in this position. When you want something bad enough, it’s incredible the kind of strength you can find to pull you through. While I was down I was not out. I was ready. I was insanely nervous, read 3 books and was back to my dear friend google on all the forums reading everyone’s experiences from the good and bad to the ugly. I had also started acupuncture to prepare for my IVF cycle. Which was a whole other can of worms that I am happy to elaborate on at another time. I was as prepared as I could be. After all this waiting, I was finally ready to move forward.

It started again with a big talk with the doctor and making a treatment plan. Blake and I were SO excited after so much failure to finally be taking a more aggressive approach to getting pregnant. While I was excited.. I was completely terrified at the same time. As a 33 year old woman, I was in a good position for treatment. Blake is 31 and had everything tested and was perfectly healthy. We were lucky. The odds were with us. Some people are not that lucky including a lot of my personal friends and family. But, we were ready to start… the most expensive experiment of our lives. In the quickest way of explaining the process, you “stim” or stimulate follicle growth with injections and turn your ovaries into what I have come to call “an egg factory.” The goal being to create as many mature follicles for Egg Retrieval surgery as possible. You will then take a trigger injection to trigger ovulation and then the follicles will be harvested through surgery and fertilized with sperm. Then you sit and wait to see if they develop into embryos. Not so simple, but for those unfamiliar with the process, there you have it. From there on out, it’s an INSANE whirlwind. The doctor orders your medicine and there on your doorstep you get the scariest package of your life. A box filled with needles and medications. The box (well boxes) that came were filled with vials of meds, the scariest long needles you have ever seen, bottles of pills and other things. Overwhelming is an understatement. We piled our medications into a huge cooler and brought it to the doctors office. Nothing to see here, just a box of terror… no big deal. The nurses at the doctor’s office showed us how to mix and administer all the medications. Blake and I decided it was best for him to take full control of the medications so I could just swoop in, get my meds, and run back to the couch so I didn’t need to prolong the experience. The best piece of advice someone gave me was to put on my favorite show and have a sweet treat waiting to get me through shots. Make the experience as positive as possible. My shows of choice: The Office + Friends. Some people ice their injection sites so it causes less pain but I didn’t find that to help me and adding another step was not for me. You use these stim meds for anywhere up to 10-14 days depending on when you typically ovulate. (For most women this is day 14) As each day goes by, I became more fatigued, and more uncomfortable. I remember it being explained that it was the equivalent of having a bunch of grapes hanging in each ovary. Doesn’t sound very fun does it? What I didn’t mention previously is the side effects from all the medications even going as far back to the clomid. Again, please remember these are my personal experiences and everyone reacts different to the medications. I just want to be as transparent about my experience as possible. Even when it’s less than inspiring. The medicines made me INSANELY bloated. This was a constant. No matter what I was taking whether it be stim meds or hormones, I would be incredibly bloated. Weight gain came from also doing treatments for a year. Again, just what someone needs while going through this experience. More on that later. It’s all kind of part of it. I think the emotional part of the process is one of the biggest side effects of it all. I can’t begin to explain the kind of emotional place I was in. Crying at literally everything. So many hormones coursing through my body. It was a lot to endure without even taking into account the physical stuff. Poor Blake… and anyone that had to be around me at that time. It’s honestly all a mind game. I remember 2 days in right before my injections I was crying because I literally could not believe we had to do two injections in a row. I was just unraveling. Thankfully Blake is so calm and was able to put my mind back into perspective. Each injection was for a greater purpose. Getting us to our goal. While I am very much a realist, I fought hard to get and stay in a positive mindset. Toward the end it all became part of our routine. A day or two before surgery, I had to take naps during the day because I literally could not stay awake. I was wearing gym pants everyday because none of my pants would fit my insanely bloated stomach. I could barely reach down to tie my shoes. I was exhausted, but I was ready to get these eggs out!

Egg Retrieval Day
I have only had 2 surgeries in my life so I was VERY nervous about the surgery. I know everyone thinks it’s so routine but I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack the night before. I just NEEDED everything to go well. It had to. The biggest thing the day before was prepping what I would need during my recovery. Now, it all might be a little TMI but, we have gone past playing coi here. Stool softener was a must to prepare for those not so fun post surgery side effects, lots of electrolyte drinks (gatorade + pedialyte), BRAT diet foods, and one of the most important things, my heating pad. I ordered this one because it reminded me of being in acupuncture. I was as ready as I could ever be.

Surgery day went smoothly and easily. Before I knew it I was in the recovery room still woozy from anesthesia demanding how many eggs were retrieved. I probably asked the nurse like 5 times. We got 12 eggs. I had 20 brewing in my ovaries so the doctor said she felt this to be a little low but still good. So we did it. I was sent home to recover.

Post Egg Retrieval Recovery
When you go through the IVF process, you read packets of information about the process etc in great detail. When I say packet it might as well be a small book. TONS of info that you need to read, digest and sign off on that you have understood everything. Again, more overwhelming experiences. On some of the last pages you find the complications due to surgery. I should have paid more attention to those. After surgery I was confronted with a lot of discomfort. Basically the follicles are removed from their shells and the shells remain in your ovaries and fill with fluid post surgery. This means, insane bloating and discomfort. I still have photos on my phone where I literally look 5 months pregnant because I was so bloated from fluid. I will save you the visual. I was basically laying flat for most of my recovery with alternating heating pads. The heating pads really soothed the ache and I highly recommend having multiple on hand. A few nights into recovery, I woke up in the middle of the night at 3am. I started to feel more discomfort and immediately felt sick and started to sweat bullets. I ran to the bathroom and before I could even get there I had sharp excruciating pain. The worst I have ever felt in my life. Blake had been sleeping and he finally woke up when I was laying on my back on the bathroom floor screaming from the pain rolling back and forth. I had no idea what was happening or what was wrong. Blake asked if we should go to the ER but I literally was in so much pain I could not move. What seemed like an eternity passed and somehow it lessened and I was able to make it back in the bed. I was now terrified to go back to sleep. The next day, we made an emergency appointment at our Doctors office. My doctor explained that we likely had a Ovarian Torsion. What happens is when your ovaries twist, it cuts the blood supply and creates the immense pain. What is really scary about Ovarian Torsion is that it is a very serious complication and if the ovaries do not untwist on their own, you need emergency surgery to untwist them and in most cases, you have a high chance of damage to your ovaries. The percentage of this happening is small, but, of course… it happened to me. I still have nightmares about it and after it happened I swore I would never do IVF again. Time passed and after a week at home resting, I finally left the house. Some women bounce back after just 1 or 2 days of recovery but this was not the case for me. I don’t know who those women are, but teach me your ways.

Embryo Results
In the meantime when we were dealing with the after surgery complications, our embryos were developing and by day 6 the embryologists know which have developed to the farthest stage successfully and which ones have not made it. I remember I was home alone on the couch while Blake ran to the store to grab more food for dinner. Our doctor called and said she had some bad news: We only had 1 embryo that made it. Was this really happening? One embryo. I was hysterical. I desperately called Blake who didn’t have reception in the supermarket. I then called my sister who could not even understand me through the hysterics on the phone. I remember her voice that day… it was so filled with sadness. I can’t explain the feeling of having your future just flash before your eyes like that. It was clear from this, and from what the doctor told me, that the reason we were having problems getting pregnant was because of my egg quality. So insult to injury, my eggs are bad, and now we only had 1 chance from this whole process to get pregnant. We were devastated.

Blake and I had already decided we wanted to do genetic testing to ensure a safe and healthy baby so cells from our 1 embryo were sent off to get tested. We waited and we hoped that our one chance would be a good one. Weeks later, we got the call from our doctors office and our embryo was healthy. The best piece of news we had received in a long time. We were ready to start the process of our Embryo Transfer.

Prepping for Embryo Transfer
The actual prep for the transfer is a lot less intense than the retrieval but it’s equally challenging with all the hormones. I spent a few weeks loading up on estrogen and taking other injections to find out right before my transfer that my lining was too thin. GREAT. If you don’t get your lining to a certain thickness, your embryo won’t be able to implant. Having a thick uterus lining is key and it was terrible news to hear everything we had done did not prepare my uterus to where it needed to be for implantation. Yet another obstacle in our journey. I remember the day our doctor told us we would have to start all over with our transfer medications. Right after I had scheduled an acupuncture appointment. This was not smart timing on my part but I tried to suck it up and head to my appointment. I got on the table and tried my best to relax. I had needles all over my face, arms, legs and my acupuncturist went to put my final needles in my feet and I felt a sting. Now, keep in mind, when your muscles are tense, sometimes the needles might sting a bit but they can adjust them no problem. It was not the day for a painful needle. I started balling uncontrollably and I couldn’t move because my whole face and body was covered in needles. My doctor started to clean my tears with cotton balls. It was a disaster. I was so overwhelmed and totally defeated having to start the whole embryo transfer process again. But, here we were. Round two. IVF can be one struggle after another and you just have to keep on pushing forward as best and as hard as you can. I was so close to the finish line. I had to pull it together and get back down to business.

For the second transfer attempt, we decided to use the same medications I used to stimulate my eggs to help my body increase it’s hormone levels more naturally. So we did what they call a “light stim cycle” while being careful not to encourage too many follicles to grow but enough where it would grow my uterine lining and raise the natural levels of hormones in my body. All of the estrogen I was still taking was giving me massive migraines but after some time they would pass. All the same side effects came with these meds including the bloating and emotional messiness. I was finally getting closer to my transfer and got cleared to start my progesterone injections. This is major! It means you are locked into a date and time and there is no turning back. Another injection hurdle: the progesterone injection. This was one of the scariest things to come in the mail. Since they are an intramuscular injection, they are long. 1.5 inches to be exact…. I know. Can you feel the trembling……….. I texted and called all my IVF friends to get their suggestions on how to get through it. The injections go into your butt so Blake did these as well. The first time, I was psyching myself out bouncing back and forth in the living room. Blake goes, “JUST DO IT!” I had to face my fear… it was going to happen. I stood up for these injections and squeezed a pillow and in the end, it wasn’t that bad. I mean, it’s not great, but I think I had built everything up so badly in my head. After the injection I immediately massaged it and sat on a heating pad. This helped ALOT. Apparently when you are doing these for a while, the progesterone can form little lumps from not distributing so it can make things more painful. It’s no picnic and I had a sore ass. But what are you gonna do. It was game time. We were getting closer to our transfer day.

Night Before Embryo Transfer
I feel like the whole process made me nervous but this night I was the most excited. Everything was becoming very real. I could potentially be pregnant tomorrow. Well, not specifically but soon. Since my doctor wanted me on couch potato status for 3 days post-transfer, I wanted to get everything prepared the night before. I went shopping for my favorite snacks, picked up some books and magazines, cleaned the house, and laid out my favorite pajamas to be ready to come home and relax.

Embryo Transfer Day!
This day was so surreal. I had scheduled my acupuncturist to come give me treatment before and after the transfer so I would be at my most relaxed state. We had a nice private room where the procedure was taking place and I got my treatment and Blake played some soothing music on his phone. (We actually played SirusXM Spa Radio. It makes me feel like I am getting a massage at a Spa. You have to check it out!) After my treatment was done, my doctor came in to give us the run down on what was going to happen. Before I knew it, our embryologist rolled in this crazy machine that was housing our embryo. It was WILD. His microscope projected onto the tv and we were able to see the embryo on the screen. Science is such a beautiful thing and it’s still a miracle to me that people are able to be helped in this way to have children. The embryo goes into a catheter and is then implanted via guided ultrasound into the uterus. We watched it all on the tv. I was so euphoric from my acupuncture, and so at peace, I felt so incredible good about the whole day. And just like that, we were done. I layed down for another 20 minutes and I was sent home to rest.

The Two Week Wait
The first part of IVF is hard but when you get to this point, the Two Week Wait or “TWW” was the longest two weeks of my life. Like the whole process, it’s all about waiting and waiting some more. So it only makes sense the last part of the step is WAITING AGAIN. I know. Those who have been there, you know. The first couple days we spent having Blake wait on me hand and foot. I did start to get antsy on day 2. But I binge watched my favorite shows, read my books and stayed off my computer as much as possible. I was drinking and eating as many warm things as possible. It’s said to help with implantation and to keep your uterus warm and happy. Once I was off bedrest, we decided to take a couple day trip down to San Diego. Blake had to work and it was a nice time for me to just get away and take a break. During the TWW, you are also still taking progesterone shots so that was part of our process along with the other hormones I was on. I was desperately trying to distract myself so stop looking back at my calendar to see how many days were left until my blood work. Our friends, our family, and everyone around us were so excited to hear the happy news. Our fingers were crossed. It’s funny writing this now because I am forgetting some of the small details and medication we did during this step. I think it’s fair to say that sometimes, you kind of just block out some of your experiences because of how hard you struggled through them. While some of my memories are vivid, I feel like some moments I completely blocked out. I am digressing, but this wait was just as torturous as I had read in every fertility book and on every forum. But, if I had a bit of advice, keep as busy as possible. I know my busiest days and moments helped me to stop from obsessing over everything.

Blood Day
The day of your pregnancy blood work, I headed in early in the morning for my blood draw. I remember telling the nurse how nervous I was. I was… freaking out. We give them our cell phone number and they would call us as soon as possible most likely in the early afternoon. I spent the whole day glued to my phone afraid to even hop in the shower in fear I would miss it. Now I know I said this earlier, but I am a realist and always try to be open to the realistic possibility that things could go good or bad. We are really talking like 50/50 chances here of whether we got pregnant. While you think about those outcomes, all our friends and family were throwing as much love and positive energy at us as they could. It almost started to annoy me because I knew that it was not a 100% done deal. I guess that is the realistic side of me talking but, I had to face the fact that there were two outcomes possible and I needed to at least be aware of that going into this.

My phone ended up ringing and I feel like it was happening in slow motion. I picked up and while I put the phone on speaker Blake came running into the room from the office. “Hi Kimberly, I have some very sad news…” I fell into my hands and I became hysterical handing the phone off to Blake who had to finish the phone call with our doctor. I was crying so hard I couldn’t see or speak. Lola came over and started to lick the tears off of my face while Blake finished talking to the doctor. Our IVF had failed and it was over. That has to have been the darkest moment of my life. The words seemed to linger and it was like someone closing the doors on our hope to have a family. Devastated doesn’t begin to cover what we were both feeling. I was inconsolable. If you had looked into my eyes, I likely had a blank stare on my face for the next few hours. We sat together on the couch and through the end of my hysterics, I said, “We have to try again.” The hours and days following were hard. Everyone that knew we had our transfer was waiting for the news. Everyone knew we would have answers, and were waiting for news from us. Not only having to process what had happened between the two of us but we would have to be vocal and let our families and friends know what we had just found out. Living that devastation over and over again. I decided that I could not be faced with anyone directly asking me about it or I would have broken down. So I started to send texts out to everyone in the loop to let them know what happened, that I didn’t want to talk about it, but that I would reach out if I needed anything. Everyone was so respectful and gave us the space and time we needed to heal. I wouldn’t say you ever fully heal from those experiences but, we grow and we become stronger. Writing and rereading these results have tears welled up in my eyes. But I have learned that through this process, I have found this hidden strength and resilience. IVF can also be terribly hard on relationships and I am so happy to have Blake in my life who has been the most supportive person through my wild and crazy moments, and through some of these really messed up times of struggle. We are stronger together.

Moving on to our 2nd IVF Cycle
After our failed IVF, Blake and I decided that my body and our minds, and our calendars needed a break from the rigorous doctors appointments, injection schedules, acupuncture appointments, and constant stress on my body. We took some time off to just be together and to live. It’s been about 2 months since our bad news and I have to say I feel like my soul has had a refresh. Since Blake and I decided to do another IVF cycle, we wanted to fully let go and give my body a break before we started again.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about what i could have done better to get better results. I was thinking back about my realistic approach to the process and always balancing the fact that this was never a 100% solution to my fertility problem. While everyone deals with these struggles in their own way, I realized that maybe I didn’t let go 100%. Maybe I wasn’t as positive as I could have been. Could it be my fault that I had such bad results? Is this on me for not doing my best?? I consider myself a very positive person. If you ask my friends, they will back that up. But this process was much harder on me than I ever could have imagined.

Having the opportunity to go through IVF again, I feel a shift inside. Because this WILL HAPPEN for us. I know deep down that Blake and I will be be able to grow our family one way or another. And something has shifted inside me. We can never give up. We are strong. Much stronger than we can ever imagine. The strength you pull from to get you through these hard times is truly a miracle. After my time off to clear my head, I am feeling so focused, and feeling so much love. I am going to hit the ground running with a positive spirit and I know that we are going to make it through again. I actually started to read this book and found it’s words to be so helpful preparing for my next cycle. The powerful message of turning fear into faith(whatever that means to you) is something I am working on. Love over Fear. It has been a good read so far and I am only 3 chapters in!

I am an open book and while it’s very hard for me to put myself out there like this, I hope that my experience can help others open up about their struggles with infertility. Know that you are not alone. We are all here going through this together. I have found it so helpful to speak up and not feel so alone in it all. I have several friends going through IVF right now and I feel like we all hold each other up when we most need it. Whatever you are dealing with, no matter how big or small, NEVER GIVE UP.

While we gear up for another IVF cycle soon, I hope to share bits and pieces with you. Maybe that is just on instagram stories, maybe it’s some more blog content. I don’t really know what it will be. I am just going to go with the flow, and live the best life I know how to. I sincerely thank you for taking the time to read this post. It has taken me weeks. I am nervous to press publish, but I feel like writing about it has been a cathartic experience to me. I know it’s all over the place, and I know at some points it probably doesn’t make any sense. But it’s me and now it’s here. To all of you out there fighting the fight, I am with you.
eatsleepwear, Kimberly Lapides, infertility, IVFeatsleepwear, Kimberly Lapides, infertility, IVFeatsleepwear, Kimberly Lapides, infertility, IVF

  • April 20, 2017 - 2:58 am

    ilysa Lapides - I cannot write as the tears in my eyes after reading what you wrote obstructing my vision. The infertility issues that you and Blake have gone through and continue to do so or one that I would not wish on anyone. I often wonder why some people have no problems in their life and others have many. Difficulties that we can do to make us stronger. My heart goes out to both of you as you know that we have been in contact throughout this experience that you and Blake have had and how important family is to me. I know this is going to happen for both of you and I am looking forward to the future I just hope this is going to be easier for you from now on. Love and hugsReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 2:58 am

    Brooke - You are both very strong and brave for sharing this story. We love you and support you always! ❤️ReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 5:43 am

    Annie Wilson - Kimberly, my heart goes out to you and Blake. I admire your strength and courage in coming forward with you story, the world needs more people like you in it. I just know you will get to have the family you want one way or another xxReplyCancel

    • April 20, 2017 - 1:08 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Thank you so much Annie. I so appreciate all the kind words and support. xoReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 6:17 am

    Olivia - Ugh this breaks my heart, sending my prayers. It’ll all work out!

  • April 20, 2017 - 7:00 am

    Angela Rodriguez - ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Love you and your strength. Enormous hugs.ReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 8:48 am

    Kate - Kimberly, I just wanted to let you know that I read every word and I think it’s so brave and so important that you shared your story. I’ve had a couple of people very close to me struggle in various ways in having babies and you truly never know what people are going through. I think it’s so, so important to help each other through things like this so they don’t feel so alone, and simply sharing your story is one of the biggest and best ways to do that. With tears in my eyes, I commend you on your strength and I hope with all my heart this round results in nothing but pure happiness!!ReplyCancel

    • April 20, 2017 - 1:10 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Thank you so much Kate. My hope was that opening up would help others know they are not alone, and whether it’s me or someone else, I am here to listen and be supportive. THANK YOU so much for your love. xoReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 10:52 am

    Allie - <3 <3 <3ReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 11:31 am

    Sydney - This was really beautiful and honest. So much good luck on your pregnancy journey, and I truly hope it happens for you.

    I follow another blogger who had difficulties getting pregnant, and after a miscarriage, sought IVF treatment. She’s now nearing the end of her pregnancy! Here are the two posts she wrote regarding her struggle (she wrote others on her struggles, but these seemed most relevant); it might be helpful to have another person to add to your network of support.

    Again, so so so many positive vibes and good luck to you and Blake. You two will make wonderful, loving parents one day.ReplyCancel

    • April 20, 2017 - 1:12 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Thank you so much for the kind words and thoughts. Thank you for linking to these posts. I will read them! Thanks for taking the time to gather and send these to me! xo, KimReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 11:32 am

    Kelsey - Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is deeply moving. You both are in my thoughts.ReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 11:38 am

    Laura - I am so, so sorry for everything you’ve had to go through. I dealt with infertility for nearly three years, and it was without a doubt the hardest experience of my life. I went through many of the same things as you did: the doctors, the shots, the IUIs. We stopped short of IVF, and decided to pursue acupuncture and Chinese herbal supplements instead.

    The day I found out my last round of injection therapy and IUI did not work was without a doubt the darkest day of my life. I teared up reading your experience, because it was so similar. I lay on the floor sobbing and hyperventilating as my husband tried to calm me. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone.

    I had given up hope completely last fall. I had done acupuncture for a year and I was done. We had an appointment set with an adoption counselor when I found out I was pregnant. I say this not as advice, because believe me – I get it. Everyone has tips or advice when you are going through this. But, a simple inexpensive remedy I started two months before I became pregnant is called Chaste tree berry extract. It’s definitely worth googling. I don’t know if that is what did it, but I’m glad I started taking it.

    I wish you all the best. It is so hard to keep a positive attitude, but it sounds like you are doing an incredible job. You’ll get there. ❤️ReplyCancel

    • April 20, 2017 - 1:14 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Laura, my heart is with you. I am so sorry you had to endure this struggle as well. I am in tears reading your story. Breaks my heart that people have to go through this. I will definitely google. Thank you so much for taking the time to share with me. THANK YOU! xoReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 11:41 am

    Marcella Margareth - It broke my heart reading your blogpost.. Thank you for sharing this.. I may not going through something like that or have some relatives/ friends that like you.. but I hope a very best for you and Blake, I hope the 2nd IVF will work.. Most importantly, please stay positive, stay strong, and happy ( I’ve heard that you need those to be able to get pregnant).. your body knows what’s in your mind.. Goodluck!!


  • April 20, 2017 - 11:58 am

    Sabrina Hendrikx - Dear Kim,

    Wow, wow, wow … this was so touching & inspiring. Thanks for sharing your story. I had tears in my eyes reading it. And I’m sure it will help others feeling not to be alone. I wish you ALL the best! Hugs from San Diego, SabrinaReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 12:03 pm

    Nabeela - I’m so sorry you had to go through this Kimberly. I’m glad you have Blake to help you through this difficult time. Supporting partners are the best things in life and I’m glad you guys have each other to pick you up when one is down.ReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 12:05 pm

    Lisa - Thank you so much for writing this. I haven’t talked to many people about my own struggles so I really appreciate posts from other women like this. I also wish you the best of luck, and you are right, it IS GOING TO HAPPEN. It is just so hard seeing all of these baby bump posts on instagram and friends getting pregnant 🙁ReplyCancel

    • April 20, 2017 - 1:19 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Lisa, I am so sorry you are struggling with the same problems. For a long time, seeing all those posts really made my heart drop. It’s so hard when it’s all just in your face and how everything just seems to effortless for everyone but yourself. But sometimes I have to take a step back and think…. I wonder how they got there. Everyone has their own struggle no matter what point in live you are at. I know it’s so hard to see that, but WE GOT THIS! I am here for you. My heart is with you. xoReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 12:23 pm

    Rose Pesch - Dearest Kim and Blake, I am in awe at your strenght, grace and courage you show us all, by sharing this very personal insight into you struggles to become the very loving parents that I know and hope you will one day be.
    Even though you took us along the road of everything you went through, I have to admit it made me cry all over again.
    You are a strong woman, I am sending all positive thoughts your way, for the road ahead of you.
    All my love to you and Blake.
    Your loving Mom❤️


    • April 20, 2017 - 1:20 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Thank you Mom. I LOVE YOU. Rereading everything still makes me very deeply sad. But, I am so ready to continue this journey and nothing but good vibes here! LOVE YOU. xoReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 1:29 pm

    Marion - Thanks for sharing a so personal subject with us ReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 1:39 pm

    Amy - Praying for you and Blake in your journey! I believe it will work out one way or another for you guys too.

    Thank you so much for writing and sharing this post.

    Keeping you in my thoughts.ReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 1:45 pm

    Martina - i’m very sorry to hear that! you are a very strong woman and i’m sure you guys will once have a family – never give up! There are many women out there who struggle with the same issues and you helped them with your story. From the bottom of my heart, i wish you and Blake all the best! Big hug from zurich, switzerland – MartinaReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 2:07 pm

    Erika - Thank you for sharing your story.
    I can identify with the struggle in trying to conceive. You described the emotional part exactly.
    Wishing you all the best !


  • April 20, 2017 - 2:26 pm

    Victoria - thank you for this post! I know exactly how you feel!! me and my husband went through this and this was the loneliest time and I just felt like a failure all the time. also it is impossible to explain how you feel to the others and people who have not gone through it just cannot understand the complexity of it.
    the most common comment I got was “to let it go” and this is just not possible – once you are in you cannot let it go even for a second.
    we had been trying to get pregnant for 6 years and then came to terms to go via IVF route (just as you wrote it was one of the hardest days).
    my first IVF attempt failed and it broke me. I was realistic and stuff but it hit me harder than I imagined. it took me 3 month even to start thinking about 2d attempt.
    long story short – we were preparing for our 2d attempt and I already bought all the drugs and the nurse was waiting for my confirmation when my period start. and it did not. by that time I have done so many pregnancy tests so I just could see another “not pregnant” one but after 6 days I decided to do one and for the first time in my life it was positive. I had to do another 5 to make sure. I am 17 weeks pregnant now and I still cannot believe it to be honest. probably we will never know what has triggered that but we are very grateful and happy.
    I wish you and your husband keep supporting each other and do not give up!! my thoughts are with you!

    Victoria xxxReplyCancel

    • April 20, 2017 - 9:16 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Victoria, I totally understand and feel everything you are saying. I can’t tell you how many times people have told me if I just relax it will happen. I am a ZEN MOUNTAIN. I think it’s hard because of peoples ignorance on the topic, they dont always know what is right and what is wrong to say. I have alot more compassion for people trying to be supportive in their own ways now. I am heartbroken to hear your story and your struggle. I am so sorry you had to go through that. This story… is WOW. I am so so so so happy to hear!! CONGRATS. What a beautiful miracle. Thank you for sharing with me. xo, KimReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 3:08 pm

    Rachel - Thank you times a million for putting this process into the most perfect set of words. I’m right there with you and I only made it to about half way through without ugly crying. I understand the pain that sinks so low in your gut when you hear those words “your test was negative.” I think you described the feelings in the most accurate way- only to be understood by the people who are going through fertility treatments. It truly is only something that can be related to by those who share the struggle. I’ve been trying for over a year with the help of 3 different doctors. I wanted so many times to give up, but there is that voice deep down that calmly says “keep going- it is all going to be worth it.” I have kept it very secret except my closest friends and family and I’m learning that I need the community you talked about. My husband wants us to join a support group but I’m scared it will be even more depressing ( the one club of women I don’t want to join). My question for you is how did you get the courage to start talking about it so that you could build that community? I’m so scared to open up something so painful to the public but I know a lot of good will come out of it.ReplyCancel

    • April 20, 2017 - 9:24 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - I am so humbled by all of the positive comments and support. I really don’t find myself to be a great writer but the fact my words had such impact make my heart so full. It truly does.I have been keeping myself from ugly crying all day! SORRY! You know what, I know being open about the journey is not for everyone, but it has helped me so tremendously to be able to talk to the people around me. I have been able to let them know what words have hurt me, what has helped me, and I feel like I have been able to educate those around me not going through the process on the best way to approach me. I have been very clear about certain stages asking people to give me my space when I needed it. I will say, I would totally go the support group option! That sounds like it would be an amazing opportunity to connect with those going through the same thing. We are actually going to see a therapist to help us stay positive and be our best selves through the process. So, personally, I kind of blurted things out alot to even strangers. I felt like the stress of it all would eat me up inside. I had to share because it was exploding out of me. I think once you get past how some people might not react as compassionately as you would hope, you can find those people who really build you up in the right way and confide in those people. In the end, I think if you opened up, you would find many more people that have been in your shoes, and know people in your shoes. Not sure if this is helpful but feel free to send me an email with any more questions. I am here for you. Best of luck on your journey. xo, KimReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 3:17 pm

    Chrissy - Wow, what a powerful piece. Thank you for sharing your story. Know that you have helped others who embark on this journey; whether it be a couple in a similar situation or loved ones who are trying to support someone in this situation. I appreciate your honesty. I believe in sharing life experiences with others because some of our best teachers are those around us. I’m so sorry this is happening and will keep you in my thoughts. Stay strong and positive, good things will come. : )ReplyCancel

    • April 20, 2017 - 9:37 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Thank you for you reading it. I am so glad you were able to connect with the story. Thank you for your positive vibes. We will not give up. xoReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 3:47 pm

    Christina - My heart goes out to you… life can be so difficult but it sounds like your new attitude is going to really help you during your 2nd attempt. I wish you all the best and will pray for strength for you both. Thank you for sharing… I’m sure this will help many families in your same situation.ReplyCancel

    • April 20, 2017 - 9:39 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - I truly think is going to change my life.Any little bit of new found positivity will guide me on my way. Thank you for your prayers. xoReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 4:13 pm

    Rita - It’s a beautifully written post about such a heartbreaking struggle. I admire your strength and I’m praying for you and your family.ReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 4:33 pm

    Linnéa - Wow, so brave of you to share!
    Sending thoughts, Love and strength to you both from Sweden ♥️ReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 4:37 pm

    Michelle - I went through 6 medicated ( injectables) IUI’s with Dr. Chang in Brea Ca. Got pregnant 1 time ( for 2 weeks) then finally had to move on to IVF. Had 3 IVF’s with Dr Lin in Irvine CA. first IVF had 12 eggs retrieved, received a call next morning that ALL eggs arrested and did not fertilize. so had to start over again with a round 2 IVF.. had 6 eggs retrieved and 2 transferred at day 5. Finally got pregnant with round 2( only one embryo survived in me) only to find out it was a blighted ovum. a blighted ovum is where the sac is empty so I had to go through a very long 1 month long miscarriage process. so there I go again for round #3.. transferred in 2 frozen embryos from round #2 and received the dreaded phone call 10 days later to tell me my blood work was negative . we finally gave up and now 20 lbs heavier after all the hormones I am finally starting to feel like myself again. there are no plans on having a baby for us anymore. we have resigned to be happy with one another. I am 38 no and my husband is 42. we are extremely healthy so not sure what the reason for the unexplained fertility is.
    its a tough process to go through and no one will understand it until they have to go through it themselves 🙁ReplyCancel

    • April 20, 2017 - 9:47 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Michelle, Thank you for sharing our story with me. My heart is breaking as I read it. I am so sorry your journey has been filled with so much heart breaking hurt. I have a pit in my stomach just typing this response. The weight gain is demoralizing. All the people pregnant are growing their bodies for your young little one while the pounds pack on from failed attempt after failed attempt. It’s so difficult. None of it is easy and its a very ugly process. But! I send nothing but love to you. While our journeys are different, I feel your pain. I am with you. And if there is anything I can ever do for you, please let me know. xo, KimReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 4:55 pm

    Marisela - Love your story. We too had to go through IVF. Two cycles to be exact. I shared a little on my blog, but it was very similar to yours. First attempt yielded nothing, 2nd attempt we go 7 embryos, first two transfers were two at a time then we went down to one at a time. On our last embreyo we had accepted that this was probably not gonna happen and we would have to do one more cycle, consider donor eggs or even adoption. Needless to say that last little “hopeless” embryo is the one that took. I know from experience that there is nothing anyone one can say to make you feel better, but just keep believing. We just knew in our hearts that a baby would come to us somehow. I’m due in June. & trust me the TWW is nothing compared to getting to that 12 weeks mark. Sending Lots of good vibes!ReplyCancel

    • April 20, 2017 - 9:52 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Wow! It’s always crazy to hear how each IVF attempt can be very different. It’s great to hear and gives us all so much hope. OH MY GOODNESS!! What a miracle!!! This story just gave me goosebumps. Thank you for all your kind words. I wish you nothing but the best with your tiny little miracle. I WILL NEVER GIVE UP. xoReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 5:53 pm

    Ynchai - I can totally relates to your story. I had 8 IUI (totally waste of time but I am too stubborn to try on IVF), several miscarriages, finally I give in to IVF at the age of 37 for my first cycle. 2 IVF, i finally have a baby boy. Total journey 8 years. Many heartbreak and tears but don’t lose heart and keep pressing on. IVF and accupuncture are good combo.
    My advise.. dont let this challenge stop your life.. travel, enjoy time with hubby, all those helps you to stay positive and maintain your loving relationship with hubby.ReplyCancel

    • April 20, 2017 - 9:58 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Ynchai, Thank you for sharing. Im so sorry to hear about all your heart break. A miracle baby boy!!! 8 years.. wow. Your dedication is an inspiration. That baby boy is so lucky to have you and for you fighting so hard for him. Thank you for your advice. xoxoReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 6:08 pm

    Pamela Dent - Dear Kim,
    I struggled with infertility for ten years in my first marriage, and your story touched me deeply. It’s so painful and heartbreaking. My heart goes out to you, as I know the ache and the longing all too well. When I remarried after my divorce, I decided that I couldn’t put myself or my marriage through that again. I never had a child, and I have made a kind of peace with that. But I wanted to tell you that I will always regret not pursuing it all the way. Adopting, or whatever it took. I wish I had put myself through it until my dreams came true. I have a happy life, but I feel that I missed the most important thing I could have done. I hope with all my heart that your dream will come true. You will be ok if it doesn’t, but please keep heart. Regrets are the hardest things to live with. All the best to you. PamReplyCancel

    • April 20, 2017 - 10:01 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Pamela, Thank you for sharing with me. Your comment is so important to me. Thank you for giving me these thoughts. I will fight the fight for us both. Thank you SO much for your positivity in the face of your struggles. I truly appreciate it and hope your life is full of love. xoReplyCancel

      • April 21, 2017 - 7:34 am

        Pamela Dent - i admire your courage and strength. You can do this! And yes, thank you, I have the world’s dearest husband and nieces and nephews that I adore with all my heart. Lots and lots of love! Take care, dear girl.ReplyCancel

    • August 10, 2017 - 1:14 pm

      stalle - I have a dr who can help you out just email him on georgeadam65@gmail.comReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 6:20 pm

    Johanna - Oh wow I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. While I have no kids myself, my parents did go through some pretty bad infertility themselves and were in the process of adoption when they spontaneously got pregnant with me. The adoption was terminated and they sat on the edge for 9+ months hoping all would work out. It did. I’m your age and proof sometimes it does work out. I told this to my HS friend who went through the same infertility and now has a healthy baby girl. I hope you achieve the same result! XoxoReplyCancel

    • April 20, 2017 - 10:02 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Johanna, Wow. You are a tiny miracle yourself 😉 Thank you for your positive energy! xoReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 7:37 pm

    Kathleen @ Carrie Bradshaw Lied - SO incredibly moved by your story and your willingness to share with us. I know you are helping so many other women in the same situation and you are using your voice to make a difference. What an incredible mother you are going to be Kim! Sending all my love and prayers your way – your attitude and outlook is truly inspirational. xoxoxReplyCancel

    • April 20, 2017 - 10:03 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Kathleen, Thank you so much. I truly hope I can help those going through this. Thank you so much for your prayers!ReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 8:16 pm

    Amber - Thank you so much for sharing your story and to put yourself out there so vulnerably. Not many people would do that without already being able to write the ‘happy ending’ part. Sending you and Blake love and positive energy ❤️❤️❤️ And looking forward to reading about your happy ending throughout the journeyReplyCancel

    • April 20, 2017 - 10:03 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Amber, I thought a lot about it and one day I just knew I wanted to tell my story. Tragedy and all. But, I will fight for my happy ending. Thank you so much for the positive energy! xoReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 8:48 pm

    Labels & Vintage - I sincerely commend you on your courage to write this honest post and share your experience with your readers. Stay strong, positive, and full of faith! You and Blake will have the family you have always dreamed about. xoxoReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 8:59 pm

    Rachel Hoffman - You are SO brave to share your story. I went through IVF and have a beautiful baby boy now. Please don’t give up. It’s all worth it in the end. I’m sending all of my positive thoughts to you — IT WILL WORK. XoxoxoReplyCancel

    • April 20, 2017 - 10:04 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Thank you Rachel. Kiss that miracle boy for me tonight. I won’t give up. xoReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 9:43 pm

    Margarita Mercado - I could not hold the tears back as I was reading your story. Thank you for sharing. My prayers and thoughts are with you and Blake. Sending you all the positive vibes in the universe. You will overcome, I truly believe this! xoxoReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 10:13 pm

    Mia - my heart is with you on this journey.ReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 10:15 pm

    Lucy - Wow, I’m simply speechless and I don’t know the right words to say, but thank you for sharing such a raw, deep and emotional story. I’m so incredibly sorry that you and your husband have to experience such heartbreaking news. Sending you many prayers, hugs and positive thoughts to you.ReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 10:34 pm

    Jessica - I am writing this with tears in my eyes. I found out I can’t get pregnant 4 years ago when my sister was going through IVF. She and I have the same condition in which we went through menopause at a very early age. My sister had similar experiences to yours and finally got pregnant on round 2 of IVF. I am very thankful that I am marrying my “Blake” this June. What you wrote about is my future. I appreciate your honestly in telling your story. This is real life and a reality for many, including myself & my sister. Thank you.ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:49 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Jessica I am so sad to hear about your medical state. I am sure it must be very hard and that your sister went through such hard times. I am beyond words happy for you that you have found your prince. I am so happy my story could touch you in some way. I wish you nothing but love for the future. NEVER GIVE UP.ReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 10:37 pm

    Victoria - Thank you for sharing this. We’ve gone through 3 failed IUI’s, a number of clomid cycles, a chemical pregnancy, and are now taking a break. I’m giving acupuncture a shot along with some Chinese herbs but if this doesn’t work soon, we’ll be moving onto IVF soon. You are not alone. This will happen for you, as it will happen for us too. Stay strong.ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:47 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Victoria, I am so sorry to hear about your heartbreak. I am sending you the most postive and loving vibes! DONT GIVE UP!ReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 11:19 pm

    Tess - Hi there,
    We’ve met what feels like a hundred years ago when I was blogging as well. We did a shoot with DVF. Anyway I wanted to say your article was really touching not only as a new mom but mostly because my son was a result of IVF. I went thru a very similar struggle to yours. Tried to get pregnant for 2 years, I had 6 failed IUI’s and eventually went to IVF. I just wanted to say, stay positive even though it seems impossible. You have love, a happy healthy relationship, it will work work. The doctors will find the right combination of medications and the right timing. I really wish you all the luck!


    • April 21, 2017 - 7:47 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - TESS! Nice to hear from you. I am so sorry to hear about your struggle. Thank you for your kind words. Kiss that beautiful baby for me. What a miracle! xoReplyCancel

  • April 20, 2017 - 11:24 pm

    Chantal cocorosa - Hi babe,

    So sorry to hear about your struggles and thank you soooo much for writing about infertility.

    I have a deminished ovarian reserve (low egg reserve) basically I had slim to zero chance of conceiving (being late 30’s didn’t help either) IVF wasn’t even an option for me due to my low egg supply. I was told my best option was egg donation 🙁

    Luckily I conceived naturally and I think it’s because I ate coq10 like skittles. Supposedly it will improve egg quality. I took between 600 and 800mg daily with fatty foods. Other women on forums had success with it too.

    I’m hoping for you to have your little miracle baby soon!

  • April 20, 2017 - 11:50 pm

    Talia - Thank you for sharing your story. Been struggling with infertility as well with a couple failed iuis and our next step is ivf. Can’t wrap my head around it but I hope it’ll be successful! You’re truly an inspiration and I hope everything for you will work out for the best! Thanks again for sharing your story!ReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 12:22 am

    Ashley - Thank you for sharing such a personal experience. My DH and I have been TTC for over a year. I just had a laproscopy, hysteroscopy, and HSG after finding out I have endometriosis. We might have to move on to Ivf too, so thanks for sharing such detail about the process. Your story really touched my heart. I even cried! I bursted into tears at the phone call about the negative pregnancy test. Wishing you all the best and lots of luck in your next Ivf journey.


    • April 21, 2017 - 7:45 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Ashley, I am so sorry you are on the same journey. I am so glad my story inspired you in some way. Thank you for your postive thoughts and I am sending you the biggest hug. Know that you are so strong and to never give up. You can do this! We are all here with you.ReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 12:22 am

    Mel - Thank you! Sometimes even just talking about the process is hard for me. Reading your story empowers me with the positivity to keep going. We’ve had two failed egg retrievals… the first we had 2 “beautiful” embryos only to find out 2 days before xmas they weren’t genetically viable. The second time we got one mature egg and itdidn’t make it to PGS. I’ve taken a short break before staring the third cycle because I’m so drained emotionally and financially – and of course physically. I’m sending you a hug and thank you for your courage. Best of luck to you on this tough but so worth it, journey. xxReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:43 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Mel, I am so glad my story was able to touch you and inspire you to keep going. Sending you big hugs. YOU CAN DO THIS. I can’t imagine the kind of heartbreak you have faced. I hope you can come back to the IVF treatments refreshed. You will get your miracle. DONT GIVE UP! xoxoReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 12:37 am

    Carmel - Congratulations for sharing such a personal experience. I was only able to be open about my IVF journey after having my son. I found it really unhelpful to have anyone knowing when we were going through a cycle because, as you said, you then have to relive it once you get your results. I found naturopathy more helpful than acupuncture. I also googled fertility diets and really focused on what I ate. This helps to feel like you have some control over something that is ultimately out of your control. I really wish you all the very best on your journey and I look forward to hearing your positive news very soon xxxxReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:42 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Thank you Carmel, thank you for all the words of wisdom and I am so happy for you and your happy ending. <3ReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 12:40 am

    Jessica - Please don’t give up. We went through a grueling two years of unexplained infertility. Due to my autoimmune issues, we turned to IVF and surrogacy. We were willing to do whatever it took to conceive our miracle baby. I feel for your every word and have been there. We only got one healthy embryo with our first round as well. Our second round was alright and then three times the charm!! You will get there! Sending so much positive energy your way.ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:41 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Jessica, thank you for sharing your story with me. Thank you for your positivity. Means the world. xoReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 12:42 am

    Michelle - Thank you for sharing your story! While I am not at a point in my life where I am thinking of or ready to have children, I’m incredibly moved (to tears) by your post and am hoping for nothing but positive news for you and Blake during your second round of IVF. I can’t even begin to understand how difficult this process must truly be for you both, but I am in awe of your courage and vulnerability in sharing your story and of your resilience and determination in continuing this journey.

    Sending positivity, love and hugs your way!!! xoxoReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 12:51 am

    Bri - I am so sorry that you and Blake are going through this. But I thank you for being so open and sharing your story with us. I wish you love, courage, and strength and of course, wish you the best. Take care <3ReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 5:30 am

    Caroline - I love how more and more people are talking about this, because it’s way more common than we think! We are going through the exact same thing with my husband (2 insiminations and 1 IVF down, moving towards second IVF) and as Blake, my husband has been the most supportive individual on this journey, and I could not ask for a better person to go through this horrible time with.

    You said that the thing that has helped you alot has been sharing your story with the people close to you. I’ve again decided to keep my mouth shut since I could not deal with people asking me about the results, but maybe I should consider opening up about it since you said it has been so helpful.

    Reading your story was the best thing, sinsce through all the downs, you are still so positive! You really touched a lot of women with your text. Never give up! <3ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:39 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Caroline, I am so sorry for your struggle but sounds to me like you are one tough cookie! I didn’t always share from the beginning. We kept things pretty private but I just felt like I w as going to explode. I found a way to tell people and also ask for space when I needed it. It helped for me. Doesn’t mean its the way for everyone but I wanted to share my own experience. We were very clear with family when we wanted to be left alone, and the best advice on that is when you let people know, ask them politely if you can bring the info to them. For instance, ask them NOT to ask any questions. Let them have you come to them, when you want to share. That helped us a lot. It took me a while to get to this place. Don’t be fooled. I am working on my best positive self and everyday is a work in progress. I will never give up and I turn to you with the same words. You are so much stronger than you know! BABY DUST! xoReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 6:03 am

    Jen - Please do not give up, when I was going through mine at 42 someone gave me amazing advice and said ” it will happen, the science is too good” it got me through everything and she was right, please feel free to contact me to chat I am very open about my experiences and might have something that could be useful to you! Stay strong!ReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 6:41 am

    Jenn - Huge hugs. I’m here if you ever need to talk. I had 10 failed IVF cycles, including donor cycles in the Czech Republic and New York and even a surrogate. Pregnant twice, but miscarried. We now have our son via adoption. ❤️ i dont know if that’s helpful or hurtful to say. I just wanted you to know you’re not alone. I hope helpful.ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:35 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Thank you Jenn! Wow. What an heart breaking story. It pains me so much to see people struggle in this way. That makes my heart so full to hear you found your tiny miracle through adoption. There are so many children in this world that need a home, and that kid is the luckiest kid in the world! Thank you for sharing your story with me. xoReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 7:22 am

    Esther - Hi,

    Thanks so much for sharing your story. Your story is almost identical to mine. BUT… I dealt with this 7 years ago and we’ve since been blessed with 3 children.
    You are so brave to share such intimate details of your story and I’m sure it’s helping so many people.
    IVF was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with and we also had some difficult side effects. But there is hope!!
    Don’t get discouraged… you will be successful one day and I’ll give you some advice my friend gave me at the time I was going through it. I’m not sure if you feel this way, but while I was dealing with it i felt very isolated. Like I couldn’t relate with anyone who wasn’t dealing with what i was dealing with. I felt I would always be *different* but the truth is the minute you get that positive pregnancy test, it’s just OVER. This struggle will later just be a small part of your bigger story. The only difference between you and everyone else will be that you APPRECIATE everything so much more. Every cry and sleepless night with your baby will be bliss.

    Wishing you and and your husband the very best of luck… please reach out with any questions ❤️❤️❤️ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:32 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Esther, I am so sorry for your struggle but I am so happy to hear it came with the reward of 3 beautiful children. THank you so much for your support. Means so much to me. xoReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 7:42 am

    Jessica - Don’t know if you read comments but just had to send you a message… this post resonates so many emotions for me. I went through this INSANE process and want you to know I AM WITH YOU! Don’t give up on your dreams! All the stress, emotions, heartbreak and joy is worth it. I went through a major let down and literally thought my world was over – but it wasn’t. I now have my beautiful twin boys that have changed everything about me. All the injections and pain and stress…. worth every second. It will happen for you! Never give up!ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:30 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - I read every single one. Jessica, thank you for taking the time to leave me a message. I am so inspired by your story and know my miracle is out there. I will never give up!ReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 7:47 am

    Kate - You’ve got this! I’m on round 5 of ivf. It’s nothing short of brutal. But you’ll get through it and there will be a baby. Good luck.ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:29 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Thank you KATE! Wow. You are one strong woman. I wish you nothing but the most love and light in your live. Thinking of you. I am with you.ReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 8:16 am

    Rachel - Beautifully written and so honest. Sending positive vibes your way – good luck to you and your family! It will all work out in the end!ReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 8:18 am

    Kereka Wong - I just finish reading your article and I have to say is wow. It’s like me reading my whole experience of going through IVF, this have being one of the most honest reads I have read of what’s it’s like having IVF treatment, I feel like when I talk to others who have not experience this it’s really hard to get then go truly understand the ups and down of this process. With this article you hit the hit it right over the head.ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:25 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - It’s so hard to have people really understand that have not been through it. I am so glad you were able to connect with the story. I am thinking of you <3ReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 8:40 am

    Vanessa Stroberg - Thank you so much for publicly sharing your infertiltiy experience. After 3yrs, 3 miscarriages and one retrieval resulting in one egg- we are getting ready to have our first FET after PGS. Your discussion on your concerns of remaining realistic really hit home for me. I’m normally very positive as well but this journey definitely takes a greater toll than you realize until you step back. I’m hopeful I can change my outlook to be as positive as you. Sending lots of love to you & your husband.ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:24 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - That is exactly where I was. Exactly. It took me time to get to this place. I know the rest of my journey is going to be very hard. But you all have lifted me up so much. The love in this community is so strong. I am sending you the best vibes I can! YOU WILL HAVE YOUR MIRACLE. NEVER GIVE UP.ReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 8:58 am

    Erin - My heart truly aches for you bc I remember those moments so vividly! I have dealt with infertility for years due to endo so it was a tough road for us. We had only one embryo and he is now a happy little 2 year old so I promise it will happen. Ppl used to say that to me and it would just make me sad or annoyed but I PROMISE you will be a mother! Big hugs to you. You are an inspiration to many women!ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:22 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Thank you for your kind words. Kiss that little beautiful boy for me tonight. xoReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 8:58 am

    Casey - Thank you for your courage to share your journey. I’ve never commented on a post before, yet I felt overwhelmed to do so now because we had a very similar experience. Rather than try our luck with less invasive options, we went straight to IVF. After two failed transfers, our doc suggested a ‘natural’ cycle – no synthetic estrogen. On our third transfer (and final embryo), we got pregnant and are now due in August. I share this to give you hope and strength as you enter your next round. Do not lose your resolve, but remember that the journey you are on is part of a plan. Unfortunately it is not one you can edit (no matter how much soup or pineapple you eat during the TWW!). My sincere thoughts and prayers will be with you and your husband as you enter another cycle. From the amount of care and love you have put into this so far, it is clear – even to a stranger – you will be an amazing mother!ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:20 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Casey, I am so glad you left me a comment. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I will NOT give up. I am so happy for you and your tiny miracle. THANK YOU. From the bottom of my heart. xoReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 8:59 am

    Erica - Hi – Your post was so moving. I have been undergoing IVF for months and know the struggle. Please stay positive and know that your baby is waiting for you!! xoReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:17 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Thank you for your positive thoughts. I am sending them right back your way on your own journey. Never give up.ReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 9:20 am

    Kayla LaMuh - I am not a mother, nor trying to get pregnant. Just a 20 something year old ICU nurse. For you to open up about your journey with becoming pregnant is truly special. I know people in this world struggling to become pregnant and going through the same obstacles as you will find comfort in this. Reading through your post had me excited for the phone call with the hopes of good news for you all. After you received the phone call and the devastation you must have been feeling I wish I could have given you a hug. Bless Blake for being there, being so compassionate and truly an amazing husband. I only can hope that through God and the amazing sciences available you all will have the outcome of a precious baby. I wish you both the best of luck in your journey and thank you for sharing.ReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 9:44 am

    Sarah A Schmid - You are AMAZING! I am so right there with you; 3 IUI’s, onto 2nd IVF, now diagnosed with endometiosis and going for a lupron shot today (eeek!) You CAN & ARE ABLE to fight this battle and keep on taking each day as a new day. Would love to hear more about your journey as you totally lifted my spirits and its comforting to hear other peoples struggle as well. xoxoxo Sarah from NYCReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:16 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - EEK!!!! YOU CAN DO THIS GIRL!!! I am so happy I could help in any small way. Keep fighting the good fight. xoReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 10:45 am

    Kaitlyn - Hi! I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this. I found you through another blogger and your positivity has given me so much strength. While I have not gone through IVF, my sister did and now has 4 wonderful babies. It too took her time as well. My sister and I are 10 years apart in age and I was much younger when she went through all her infitiletly struggles. I am now older and married and my husband and I are trying to have a baby. We actually got pregnant in February on our own. We were so excited since we feared we may have the same infertility problems
    My sister had. This past April 12th, we met with our doctor at 9 weeks pregnant and got the heartbeat. It was the most amazing sound ever. We felt so great about everything and my doctor had told me I had less than 5% change of miscarriage. Yesterday, I miscarried my baby at 10 weeks and I have a D&C in a few days. My heart is broken and I have never felt so empty. My eyes and head hurt from all the tears. I keep thinking, I don’t know if I can go through this again in fear of the same outcome, but I know I must. So this morning, as reality sets in that I have longer have my baby, i stumbled across your blog. It is crazy how things all happen for you a reason. As I read it, I kept thinking if this lady, who I don’t even know, can go through so much pain and push forward, so can I. I am kind of in a daze still and I don’t know that email makes sense. But I just want to say thank you. And thank you for giving me a little piece of hope again that we can do hard things and we will keep trying!ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:15 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Kaitlyn, my heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry you have to deal with that kind of pain. I 100% agree that you did not just stumble upon my post. I am blown away by your strength. You will have your baby. NEVER GIVE UP. Your miracle is waiting. I thank you so much for sharing your story with me. My heart is with you. xoReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 10:47 am

    Shannon - I’m sitting in a dark room with tears in my eyes reading your post.

    I have my two week year old baby sleeping in my arms. I was lucky enough to get pregnant with dear Oliver on my third IVF attempt. After two failed attempts, I went into the third with the “what the hell attitude, I guess i will try one final time” and sure enough we got pregnant with twins. It was the best news in the world.

    One baby didn’t make it past 9 weeks and the rest of my pregnancy proved to be a very tough time. The roller coaster you explain in your blog post is spot on. The feelings you expressed felt like they were coming right out of my own mouth.

    It’s insane… but please don’t quit. It will work! I can just hear it in your voice that you want this. Blake, like my husband, won’t let you get down. Keep positive and try to stay relaxed.

    Things I didn’t different on my third attempt: more acupuncture to relax, talked to my husband about a life without biological children and was lucky enough that he was amazingly supportive of it, focused my mind on everything other than pregnancy, ate well, did yoga, kept positive.

    Holding my baby in my arms, after three years of inferility issues and surgeries and tears and pain and sooooooo many shots, is the BEST feeling in the world.

    Sending you lots of love, thoughts and prayers! YOU GOT THIS!ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:12 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - OH sweet Olivia. Kiss that baby for me tonight. I am so glad you were able to connect with the things I wrote. I am looking forward to that magical day… holding my baby in my arms. It will all be worth it. That baby is worth the fight. I will never give up.

      Thank you! xoReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 11:19 am

    Kaitlyn - I rarely ever comment on blogs, but your story is so moving I couldn’t read it and walk away. I haven’t personally ever been through IVF, but I know many friends who have been. You have completely opened my eyes (and put such an ache in my heart) — I had absolutely no idea how painful (physically and emotionally) IVF was and how much strength it required of the couples going through it. You are so brave and, and your story is so raw and eloquent. You are going to be an incredible mother — one with much wisdom, empathy, patience, and a rock-solid support system.

    xo, KaitlynReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:10 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Thank you so much Kaitlyn. I am so glad my story could touch you and give some insight into the process since you have not experienced it. Thank you so much for your kind words! xoReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 12:12 pm

    Gaiana - Dear Kimberly! Thank you for sharing your story and best of luck to you and Blake! Stay positive and strong and everything will go your way! I do have a question though, but if you don’t want to answer here, please feel free to reply to my email. If all your and Blake’s tests were clear and good, did your doctors ever give you a scientific reason for why you were not getting pregnant naturally or via IUIs? I am very ignorant about IVF, but from everything I’ve heard and read, it’s a very expensive, aggressive, invasive treatment (as you described) and it’s usually pursued when there are no other options: couple’s ages might be getting up there, there are major infertility issues (I mean actual problems with anatomy), sperm issues, etc. But anyway, stay positive. Stress and anxiety never helped anyone get pregnant. Sending you all the positive vibes!ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:09 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Thank you so much for the positivity. Our diagnosis was unexplained infertility. It wasn’t until we did IVF that we found my egg quality to not be great. That meaning, since the embryos would not fully develop, there were chromosomal abnormalities that kept them from developing into a healthy embryo. Something we could only know through that type of process. We turned to IVF because we were out of options and it was the last piece we could explore to get some answer and to also have much better odds while it was still much more invasive. Thank you for all your thoughts. much appreciated. xoReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 12:22 pm

    Annie - Thank you so much for sharing your story, my heart breaks for you and your husband. Infertility is so incredibly difficult to navigate through, and it is even more difficult to continuously pick yourself up time after time, however I know first hand that persistence is SO worth it! After a few failed rounds of injectables with miscarriages, we also moved to IVF. IVF proved to be difficult for us too – a miscarriage, followed by a failed FET, and I was left completely hopeless with our last two embryos – I could barely get myself to go through with a transfer. But I did and our perfect daughter just turned one! The moment I held her I thought I would go through the heartbreak and fight 1,000 more times to be able to experience the overwhelming amount of love and joy she brought. I truly found peace in every loss and failure we went through because it gave us our unbelievably sweet miracle, had it worked before, we wouldn’t have her. Unfortunately we are back in the fight trying to get a sibling(s) for our sweet girl and it does not get any easier. We recently unexpectedly lost a baby at 10 weeks and the heartbreak has been excrutiating. However, we know that the only way to grow our family is to keep fighting! Your strength and persistence are so inspiring, reading this post helped to give me the nudge I needed to keep moving forward. Know you are not alone in this battle, and know that you will get to the other side and the joy you have will eases the pain of the journey. I truly look forward to reading of your happy news in the future & look forward to following along as you get there 🙂ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:06 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - I am so sorry to hear about your heart break. It’s never easy. You are such a fighter and its such an inspiration to me. Thank you so much for taking the time to share with me! I AM ROOTING FOR YOU! xoReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 12:28 pm

    Katherine - This post is beautifully written and so emotionally touching. You are going to be such a wonderful mom one day and I have total confidence that it will happen for you soon 🙂 It must be such a tough time, but I am so glad to see that you are starting to feel more like yourself again. Parenthood is a wild journey, as is the process of getting there. Sending you lots of hugs!! xxxxxReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 12:53 pm

    Taylor - I am so utterly sorry for the hardships you have had to face with IVF and infertility. My husband and I hadn’t tried for too long before we got pregnant this last August. We were excited, we were pregnant the same time as our best friends, only to find out three months in that the baby never grew past 8 weeks. After two d + cs, one didn’t get it all done, I am now left with uterine scarring. This is called Ashermans Syndrome and it feels like it has stolen time away from my husband and I. I try to stay positive, our surgery is in exactly a week, and after reading your post I know, no matter what, there is a plan for all of us – we just get there at different times. Thank you for your story and humor, and the great book title! I am sending you positive IVF vibes and hope you get your positive soon.ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 2:03 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Thank you for your kind words. WOW. Im so sorry to hear of your heartbreak. You are SO strong. I know you can get through this. thank you again for your support and equally sending it your way. Do not give up. xoReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 2:18 pm

    Michelle - ❤️ I have been struggling with infertility myself for the past two years. Our next step is IVF. It can sometimes feel like a shameful secret. Thank you for being so brave and honest in sharing your journey. Sending positive thoughts to you. Stay strong and hopeful!ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 3:13 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - im so sorry you have had to endure this struggle. don’t be ashamed. WE are all here with you and support you. BEST OF LUCK! Thank you for you kind words. xoReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 2:45 pm

    Elizabeth - Thank you so much for sharing this story. I, too, am struggling with this. I have gone through a couple rounds of IUI and am about to start another. As I look ahead I realize I’m not being 100% positive either because I’m already anticipating the moment that I have to decide whether or not to go the IVF route. I have also shared with my closest family and friends and I’m still debating whether that was the right decision. If you don’t share, you constantly get questions about when you’re going to have kids. If you do share, you get frustrating comments that make you angry and uncomfortable. I even had a friend with a toddler who was having a tantrum turn and say to me “Are you sure you want this?” She meant is as a joke, but I found myself feeling offended and angry. For the most part, everyone has been very supportive and I just have to remind myself that nobody is perfect and they may not always say the right thing, but at least they try and are there to listen and be another shoulder to cry on. I wish you the best through your journey. Thanks again for sharing your story. <3ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 3:12 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Elizabeth, I know how hard this all can be. It’s easy to blame ourselves. I think being active about trying to be the most positive version of yourself through this tough process is always a work in progress. It’s such a double edged sword opening yourself up. While being silent not as many people are in your business it can feel so isolating. When you open up, everyone is constantly asking you about your progress and that gets so difficult when the results are overwhelmingly negative. I think so much of the process is about learning. You know how you can better deal and go through the process, share that info with the ones you were open. We asked our family and friends not to ask us at a certain point because it became to hard. But everyone has a different way of dealing. I am wishing you nothing but love and light through this process. I know it’s hard, but do not give up! YOU ARE A FIGHTER. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. means the world. xoReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 2:54 pm

    Anonymous - Open conversation is so important. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, too. Reading others journeys helps alleviate the pain of feeling alone. Please read my site for some support and maybe some laughs xxReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 3:00 pm

    Megan - Thank you so much for sharing your journey! You are so brave and strong and I love the positivity you are moving forward with! xoReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 3:30 pm

    Lauran - Thank you so much for being so open and for sharing your journey so far. I struggled with infertility for three years and felt so alone throughout so much of my journey. My husband was an amazing partner through all of it and was always so supportive but I was scared to always get into too many of the specifics with my friends and family. Your words that you shared with everyone will help other people realize they aren’t alone in this journey and they don’t have to hide it. I myself went through 2 failed IUI’s and 3 rounds of IVF. My first IVF cycle failed and my second the baby didn’t grow past six weeks. My 3rd round was successful and my baby girl was born in January! I can now truly say all the tears, shots, pain and struggles were all worth it every time I look at my daughter. Don’t give up and stay strong even though it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done. This experience will only make you stronger and make you a better mother, I know.ReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:28 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - I am so sorry to hear you have also suffered. WOW!! BABY GIRL! What a blessing. I will never give up. Thank you for sharing your story with me!ReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 5:34 pm

    Stef - Like I said when I messaged you on instagram, thank you so so much for sharing this story with all of your readers. For some reason, this is not talked about nearly enough making all of us going through something similar feel so isolated and alone. In some twisted way, it’s helpful to hear of others experiencing the same thing. I’m praying for you and hope for all the best in your next round of IV, whenever that may be. Please do keep us posted! xoReplyCancel

    • April 21, 2017 - 7:27 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - I am so glad I could tough you with my story and I totally agree. Thank you so so much for all your prayers. <3ReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 6:17 pm

    Frances - This is very raw and open. Sending warm wishes and positive energy your way. ReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 6:32 pm

    Clark - Bless you and your little family ❤️ReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2017 - 6:40 pm

    Kait - Thank you for sharing your story. XoReplyCancel

  • April 22, 2017 - 12:31 am

    Lauren - Kimberly,

    Firstly, I admire your honesty, grace, and openness. I found that as my IVF journey progressed I became more and more comfortable speaking about it – and, in turn, found that so many had similar stories. Later, I felt it was important not to pretend to others that my getting pregnant just happened la- di- da… that infertility is real and and it’s more common than we often think… thank you for joining in as a voice – and doing it in such a public way! That is really brave.

    Secondly, I want you to know that I type this after having just put my 7 week old daughter back to sleep. That it can and will work for you. My husband and I have an extremely similar story to yours- married 10/2013, started *really* trying by 7/2014 and 9 months later started with our first fertility clinic. We were always under the “undiagnosed infertility” umbrella, which was frustrating and confusing in and of itself, so four failed (and heartbreaking) IUI cycles later, we were staring IVF in the face and I, too, couldn’t believe we had gotten to that point.

    We did IVF – 22 retrieved but in the end only 5 okay to be frozen. We put 2 in and of those, 1 took, but we miscarried at 8 weeks (10/2015 at this point!). We were devastated, but determined. February of 2016 we put another 2 in and ended up with a chemical. It was overwhelmingly sad and frustrating. I’m only bringing up the details bc I want you to know that in the end, we went to another doctor to get a second opinion as to what was happening. In reviewing my file, she immediately pointed out that my eggs had been “overripe” before they were retrieved, which opened the door for genetic abnormalities- something my other doctor never mentioned- either bc she didn’t see it or would never had admitted to having essentially set us up for failure from the get go. So when you say that your eggs are “bad”, I wonder if it’s not something else– if the timing of your retrieval had been a day or two earlier, for example, could your outcome have been different.

    For me, hearing this was revelatory. And, it turned out, she was correct. We did one last ditch IUI with our new doctor, which failed, and then went on to a new IVF cycle – the whole shebang. In the end, the first transfer- of just 1 embryo- was successful and our daughter was born this March.

    Of course, I have no idea if this could be the same for you, but I wanted to share incase it sheds any light on your own journey. IVF is so precise that the slightest tweaks in medication, cycle length, retrieval day, etc can change everything.

    No matter what, know that in the end it will happen and what everyone told me is true… once you have your baby in your arms, all the countless months of tears, frustration, waiting, and needles (!) just melts away, like it never even happened.


    • April 24, 2017 - 3:21 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Lauren,

      I am so inspired by stories like yours. You were able to speak up and spread the word to help woman not to feel alone through this grueling process. It’s so amazing to hear that after so much struggle, you got your miracle!!! Unfortunately I had many eggs that we could not use because they were not mature enough so this time we will be giving them a little extra time to grow in hopes we will get better numbers. So seems it’s a bit opposite but this info is very useful. We did do full genetic testing on all other eggs so at least we got some answers there. We are also trying some different medication techniques this cycle. My dr is one to change protocol to get a better result next time which I am so happy about. IVF is the most expensive experienment but I am confident that we will get our miracle! Thank you again for sharing your personal story with me. Also thank you for all your warm wishes. Means the world. xoReplyCancel

  • April 22, 2017 - 6:49 am

    Cara Stammler - You are so brave! This story is heartbreaking but I have so much hope for you. Hang in there. We are all praying for you! Sending much love.ReplyCancel

  • April 22, 2017 - 10:05 am

    Chrissy - Hi Kimberly, we don’t personally know each other but I’ve been following your IG for a few years after your styling talents came as a recommendation. I knew before even beginning your recent post where it was going. That’s the thing about IVF – I’ve found it connects you to fellow IVF warriors in unspoken ways. I commend you so highly for beginning the conversation here and for being so raw and open with detail. I was a talker throughout my journey and I truly believe it helped and healed and connected me in so many lasting ways. I wanted to quickly share with you my experience in the hopes that it gives you that everlasting confidence boost, positive energy and light, and knowledge that miracles can happen.
    My journey, with the exception of the ovarian torsion (ouch!), was almost identical to yours. I felt the PTSD and pain of the HSG all over again after reading your words. (I wish I got your memo on the Valium first:). My first IVF outcome was tragic for me in that all 4 of my viable embryos had genetic abnormalities. My husband and I were devastated as the drs told us that this could mean everything or nothing for the future outcomes, should we decide to try again. The uncertainty of this scared me to the core. I vowed I would never put myself through IVF again and began to embrace the realization that we would travel the world together and just be the best Aunt and Uncle to our nieces and nephews that we could be.
    6 months later, out of seemingly nowhere, I was ready to give it ONE more chance. I was approaching my 39th birthday so time was not on my side to sit idle for much longer. I never fathomed that I would not be a mom so as much as I tried to be content it just didn’t feel right for me at the same time. After several months of shots, and another 4 viable embryos, we got the call that all 4 were healthy. Our fertility dr was pleasantly perplexed and considered this to be a medical miracle from what she has seen in her career.
    So we waited again to embark on the next steps. As you are painfully aware, the waiting periods and general length of time of the whole process is enough to drive anyone insane. I continued to be open about where I was with my journey. Along the way, I discovered several friends or friends of friends in various stages of the process. As much as I would not wish these struggles on anyone, I found comfort in embracing the openness that we could share to get through this process. The normalcy of this, albeit devastating, also helped me feel less alone and broken as I watched friends and my sisters welcome baby after baby.
    Back to the process: we primed for the transfer. Every step in the process lends its own insecurity – something I wish they could tell you up front. Based on the grading system of the geneticist we decided to transfer the 2 rated the highest. That two weeks waiting for the call was unsettling and terrifying, but we remained as positive (and distracted) as possible. I discovered I was pregnant. Words I’m not sure I ever thought I’d hear at that point. Just, wow. One of the two babies would not make it past 6.5 weeks but the other baby girl was doing well. Fast forward 40 weeks + 6 months and we just celebrated my daughters 1/2 birthday yesterday. I hope that my sharing this with you doesn’t cause an ounce of pain but yet a glimmer of hope and most importantly, strength, for your next cycle. At times, the end goal of your very own baby may seem so far away but one day you WILL be there.
    I will be thinking of you and your husband and wishing upon everything good and happy that this next cycle goes well. And that, if at any point, you feel that you have little left to give that you find that one last push…it’s always there within you, I promise.ReplyCancel

    • April 24, 2017 - 3:15 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Chrissy, thank you so much for following along all these years! I 100% agree that going through IVF bonds you with your fellow IVF warriors because it IS a battle. My heart breaks as I am reading your story and how similar it is to mine. As I continue to read… it warms my heart that you never gave up. Hearing about your miracle baby just continues to give me hope everyday that I will get my own miracle with patience. Thank you again for opening up, sharing your story and all the positive vibes. Means the world to me! xoReplyCancel

      • April 30, 2017 - 2:11 am

        Lauren - Thank you for sharing your story! It takes so much courage and I’m so happy SomethingNavy posted your link otherwise I don’t know how I would have ever found you!

        I could barely get through this as the tears blurred my vision and the bawling racked my body while I sat in my private crying area of our apt; my bathroom, my sanctuary…

        Your story is so close to mine it felt like I was reading words I had written… I too suffer from low ovarian reserve and low quality eggs! I’m currently on my 6th IVF and am very hopeful, positive and full of faith as I always am!

        The first three IVFs I got pregnant and despite the fear and despair I felt at my situation I remained positive and full of hope and faith in God’s plan for us to have a family! Unfortunately nothing is ever certain with IVF, it is still a relatively new science after all. I lost each pregnancy in the first trimester and the aftermath was devastating! I actually had to abort the third because it was too far along to naturally take care of itself! I woke up from the operation in hysterics, I don’t think I will ever be the same after going through all of this, in fact I know I’m not the same… the roller coaster of emotions and the ups and downs, happiness and heartbreak scars you deeply. But I will not give up until someone tells me there isn’t any more hope!

        I finally went to another clinic in Barcelona and we got 5 eggs and decided to do genetic testing on them to find out why I can’t keep a pregnancy… they were all chromosonally unfit for transfer… what a let down! After all the stimulation and stress those 5 embryos weren’t good!? I was heartbroken…

        I finally went to Belgium to a renowned doctor and got only three viable embryos! Hey, in my case if I get more than one I’m happy! We transferred two and froze one. After a few days, I knew I was pregnant, your body just knows and all the symptoms were there but two days before my HCG test all symptoms disappeared and I knew I lost the pregnancy and would face yet another heartbreak and disappointment! I didn’t want to tell my husband he was so excited and so I waited hoping and praying it was all a nightmare and my test would come back positive… no go and I had to tell him… he was devastated beyond words and the guilt I felt was enormous! After all it’s me who has the bad eggs! Fortunately, my husband is amazing and says it’s not my fault this is a problem we share, we are not separate but a unit! I feel so blessed to have him by my side through this all 🙂

        After this we transferred the frozen embryo which started maturing immmediatly after defrosting and was a level just below a blastocyte, I was elated! This was our baby, our little warrior! This time absolutely no signs of pregnancy at all during the TWW. I tried to stay positive but your body knows…

        After these fails my doctor in Belgium recommended a laparoscopy to get a more in depth view of my reproductive organs… I woke up crying hysterically and basically having a panic attack with bandages all over my tummy! It was terrifying but I amount this reaction to the last time I was put under for my “abortion”…. They found out I had endometriosis with lesions which they all removed! This would’ve been helpful if I was trying to conceive naturally but didn’t help much with IVF… in any case something at least was solved and taken care of!

        So here we are! Yesterday I had my egg retrieval (without general anesthesia- pretty scary and painful!!!) we got 4 embryos (we only expected three) and are waiting to transfer on Tuesday! This last cycle was totally different than any other I had experienced which gives me hope that this time it will work and it will stick! But that’s just me, I go into every IVF with high hopes and positivity, what else can we do?! Sure, on the inside I’m dying, can barley see a pregnant woman or baby without tears welling up but I won’t give up!!

        I wish you all the best Kimberly and will keep you in my prayers!!


        • May 1, 2017 - 2:04 pm

          eat.sleep.wear. - Lauren, Thank you so so much for taking the time to share your story with me. The kind of heartbreak is so unfair. While we all have this darkness in one point in our lives, I am filled with such hope for you that you finally feel like THIS IS IT. My prayers are with you friend. Your strength gives me such inspiration to never give up. BEST OF LUCK!! BABY DUST. xoxoReplyCancel

  • April 22, 2017 - 6:29 pm

    Tracey - Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know this was personal but you opening up to share with us all your journey can also be of help to all that is going through the same. God bless you and your husband.ReplyCancel

  • April 23, 2017 - 7:30 pm

    Katie - I’ve been a long time reader of your blog (since you lived in Philly, in fact) and I read this post on Friday and have been thinking of it since. I don’t have kids, and I don’t know that I want kids, but I feel so heartbroken for you and Blake. All my fingers are crossed that the next round of IVF is the final round and that you can grow your family.ReplyCancel

    • April 24, 2017 - 12:02 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Katie! Makes me so happy to hear you are still with me on my blog journey from the Philly days. OLD SCHOOL! It means alot for you to reach out and I am so thankful for your support. THANK YOU! xoReplyCancel

  • April 23, 2017 - 10:11 pm

    Mia - Thank you for sharing this. You are sooooo brave and more importantly you gave a voice to all Of us who have gone through all that pain and in some cases without luck as mine. So again Thanks!!!!! Tons Of love and good vibes!!!ReplyCancel

    • April 24, 2017 - 12:01 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Mia, So sorry to hear about your struggles. I am at least glad to give us all a voice. BEST OF LUCK on your own journey and DONT GIVE UP. xoReplyCancel

  • April 24, 2017 - 12:14 pm
  • April 24, 2017 - 12:46 pm

    Sarah - Thank you so much for sharing your story, I had tears in my eyes at the end. Your vulnerability and willingness to put what this feels like into words is BRAVE and so appreciated. My husband and I tried to get pregnant for 2 years and I went to countless doctors trying to figure out what was wrong and eventually did IUI which didn’t work. Eventually the 3rd doctor I went to found fibroids in my uterus and recommended having surgery to remove them. It was a huge decision to go through with this surgery as it could have negatively impacted my fertility, but thankfully it was successful and I was able to become pregnant after I healed. I’m now 5 months along and thank God every day for giving me this chance. It was so difficult to not know what was wrong and to see everyone else getting pregnant around me, but in some ways I am grateful for that experience because I do not take being pregnant for granted for a second. I wish you all the best in your journey, I have so much hope for you guys and will keep you in my prayers! xoReplyCancel

    • April 24, 2017 - 3:04 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - I am so glad my story could touch you. I am so sorry for your 2 year struggles. I am SO happy to hear that you got your pregnancy miracle!!! Thank you again for your warm wishes. xoReplyCancel

  • April 26, 2017 - 10:38 am

    Megan - Thank you so much for sharing your story. My husband and I are about to start this scary process of meeting with fertility doctors and it helps to know that we are not alone. We too feel as if all of our friends are getting pregnant and having babies at rapidly comical rates… I almost feel guilty that I struggle to be around all the growing babies and little ones. I’m glad I found your post in one of my many days of falling down the rabbit hole of googling every fertility question I could have. Wishing you and your husband all the best. Sending some good vibes your way. 🙂 Thanks again for being so vulnerable and allowing those of us who need the support to feel less alone!ReplyCancel

    • April 26, 2017 - 7:52 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Megan, Thank you for your compassion. Don’t feel guilty at all. This is your time to take for yourself and your friends should have some respect for the hard time you are having. I am so glad you found my post and it could help you in some way!! If you have any questions, please email me. Happy to help! I know this process can be very scary at the beginning, but YOU CAN DO THIS! Just ask a lot of questions and know that every step you take, no matter how challenging, will get you to your miracle baby. Best of luck! xoReplyCancel

  • April 26, 2017 - 7:22 pm
  • April 27, 2017 - 9:30 am

    Tia @ Good Genes - Hey girl…late to the party, per usual, but just wanted to check in to say….I get it. After trying and failing for four years with everyone outside of IVF, we finally took the plunge last year. We did 3 back to back retrieval cycles for genetic testing..and collected a “whopping” 5 embryos. Of the 5, two were normal. One failed transfer cycle and one success…that unfortunately ended in miscarriage at Christmas. I “think” we will be trying again…but knowing everything that is ahead of us is overwhelming. When you’re ready, you’ll know. Praying for success with the next attempt, doll. 🙂ReplyCancel

    • May 1, 2017 - 1:55 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Tia, My heart is absolutely breaking for you. I am so sorry you had to endure such heart break. I am praying for you to find the strength to continue on. You will get your family. I believe in that miracle for you. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It means the world to hear about how strong you truly are. We will be starting again soon and appreciate all the support! xoReplyCancel

  • April 27, 2017 - 6:36 pm

    Mettis - Hi,

    Such a strong story, made me cry. Stay strong and keep going you WILL get there girl!!

  • May 4, 2017 - 11:24 am

    Amy - I read your post weeks ago when I saw Something Navy say in her insta story to go read your story. I already follow your blog…and so I did and I have to say…it was so refreshing to know and hear people go through the same struggles with fertility. I relate so much to this post and it also terrifies me. I got married almost 1 yr ago and have been trying ever since. I, too, never thought this would be my journey. My sisters got pregnant on their first try and my mom had all of us not even trying…I think that is the hardest part for me bc I always used to think…I will get pregnant quick. I went to see a fertility Dr after 6 months and have done every test under the moon and so has my husband. So we are embarking on IUI in the coming weeks with aggressive hormone shots and hoping for the best. The reason I so connected to this story is because I also have read The Universe has Your Back… and have recently started to dive deeper into Kundalini. I have made meditation a daily part of my life and It has helped me so much. I just wanted to share that I think your mindset is SO much of this process…its such a powerful thing. Hang in there…keep trying…! I am manifesting we both get pregnant this year!ReplyCancel

    • May 5, 2017 - 1:23 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Amy, thank you for your kind note and being a loyal follower. Thank you so much for sharing your own story with me. I know it’s not an easy journey but I KNOW we will all get through this. Best of luck with your upcoming IUI! You sound like such a strong lady and I know you are going to do so well. Wishing you nothing but the most positive vibes! SO glad you hear you read the book I am still working on it also. I 100% agree that mindset makes such a big impact on the process. Thank you again for your support. WE WILL GET OUR MIRACLE BABIES. Don’t ever give up. xoReplyCancel

  • May 5, 2017 - 11:15 am

    CER - Thank you so much for sharing your honest experience. You are correct that the term IVF is so commonplace that the process appears easy. My heart breaks for the disappointment you and your husband experienced, but I am sending positive vibes your way as you embark on the journey again. You are a warrior and sharing your experience with others is very brave. xoxoReplyCancel

    • May 5, 2017 - 1:19 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Thank you so much for your kind words and positive vibes. Means alot. <3 xo, KimReplyCancel

  • May 17, 2017 - 9:02 am

    Papa - Dear, i and my husband are married for 3 years and i struggle to get pregnant with pcos. I am 32 and taking medicines for more than 2 years. Needless to explain the emotional swings, I was so depressed. On reading your article, i can understand how painful it is, and got tears in my eyes. I hope your second ivf worked. Be strong. God must help us get children. God bless you and Blake with twin babies. Sending you my prayers.ReplyCancel

    • May 17, 2017 - 12:32 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - I am so sorry to hear about your struggles! Thank you so so much for your blessings. Wishing you the best of luck on your own journey. Baby dust! xo, KimReplyCancel

  • May 18, 2017 - 9:02 am

    Zeynep Yersel - I lived the same nightmare 5 years ago. After two years of trying, 3 IUI’s and 2 IVF’s later, I was so close to give up. I was literally dying after the second one and said “never again”. But of course I was talking big. As waiting for the third one, one winter day, when I wanted to get really drunk, I did a pregnancy test to be sure that I am not pregnant as always….But it was positive. It was natural. It was 7 weeks:))… Today, as a mother of two boys, I tell you, be focused, be brave, just do what you have to do, soon or later…And one tip. Get tested for “Factor V Leiden” for blood coagulation, I was heterozygote and I used Coraspin before getting pregnant,I believe it helped, and Fraxiparine needles after the pregnancy.xoxoReplyCancel

    • May 18, 2017 - 12:56 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. Really appreciate your support! xoReplyCancel

  • May 20, 2017 - 4:45 pm

    Women, gather round… - […] another impromptu private message, this time from someone I do know who had sent me a link to the blog of Kimberley who is on her emotional IVF journey, because she’d been thinking of me and […]ReplyCancel

  • May 22, 2017 - 5:00 am

    Jody Winter - Hi from Auckland, New Zealand Kim. I’ve followed your blog for a number of years. I’m so saddened to hear of your fertility challenges. But you have all your ducks in a row, you’re armed and ready and you’ve got love (and science) on your side. Sharing your story in such detail, and with such raw honesty will help others. Of that I’m sure. Hugs. xReplyCancel

  • May 23, 2017 - 2:45 pm

    Eve Lorigan - Thanks you so much for sharing your story so far with us. You are truly brace and strong. We have experienced similar struggles. I am currently facing into our 4th transfer after 1 failed cycle & 2 mc. Reading your descriptions of the physical and emotional challenges, it feels like I could have written them myself (but I didn’t). In the past few months I have opened up about our journey and found it a relief to talk about, I have been thinking of putting pen to paper but honestly and afraid of what might come out. Reading your story has inspired me to write my own down (even if I’m the only one who reads it) so thank you so much for that.
    I wish you & Blake all the best in this journey and I truly hope your baby doesn’t keep you waiting too much longer. XReplyCancel

    • May 23, 2017 - 7:21 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Eve, Thank you so much for your note. I am so glad I could inspire you to document your own journey. There was something so theraputic about putting my experience into words. It gave my pain more meaning in a way? To really confront it. I am wishing you all the best with your 4th transfer. Like you, I will never give up.

      xo, KimReplyCancel

  • June 19, 2017 - 3:50 am

    ivf cost india - thanks for sharingReplyCancel

  • June 27, 2017 - 6:21 am

    shiva k - Great article! Thanks for the the great information. I would like to share some information about IVF
    . This may helpful and use for allReplyCancel

  • June 27, 2017 - 5:01 pm

    Alexandra Arroyo - Thank you so much for sharing your story!! it’s inspiring <3ReplyCancel

  • July 11, 2017 - 2:14 am
  • July 13, 2017 - 1:40 am

    Chennai fertility Center - Thanks for sharing your experience with us.ReplyCancel

  • July 19, 2017 - 8:41 pm

    Nikki - Thank you for sharing your heart and soul. Reading about your journey has been so enlightening (and educational). Your determination and strength is inspiring. I too have struggled with how much to share with friends and family regarding our fertility issues but I have found (like you) that involving my loved ones helps you to feel less alone; and sharing your story allows others to feel they can do the same. My husband and I have been trying for 1 year naturally. We just did our first round of IUI w/ Femara and Trigger and are in the lovely TWW. Wishing you and Blake all the best with your second round of IVF. Sending positive vibes to you all the other future Mommy’s out there!!ReplyCancel

    • July 20, 2017 - 8:56 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Thank you for sharing your warm thoughts with me.AHH baby dust to you!!! Praying for a POSITIVE test for you both. <3ReplyCancel

  • July 27, 2017 - 1:35 am

    Joyce - Thank you for sharing your story. We found out today that our 4th IVF attempt was a failure. I share in your heartbreak as the news never gets easier to bare. My husband and I have been trying for over 4 years and didn’t even qualify for IUI and IVF was our only option. My eggs were the reason as well. It’s been a tough battle. Years of fertility treatment, acupuncture, Mayan abdominal fertility massage, numerous Chinese herbs and supplements that “help fertility”, several injections, costly medications, 4 polyp removal surgeries, numerous ultrasounds, blood work, etc. We’ve gone through it all. We’re still praying and hoping for a miracle. Wishing you all the best and thank you again for sharing your story.ReplyCancel

    • July 27, 2017 - 12:35 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Joyce, I am so so sorry to hear about your 4th failed IVF attempt. It truly breaks my heart to hear you going through so much pain. It never gets easier and it’s a constant BATTLE. People that endure IVF are some of the strongest people I have ever met. Fighting so hard for their families. My heart sinks thinking about how many woman (and men) have to go through it. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know your miracle awaits in some form in this world and I know you are strong enough to find it. You deserve your family so much and I can’t wait to hear your good news. Stay strong. I am with you. <3 KimReplyCancel

  • August 1, 2017 - 1:37 am
  • August 2, 2017 - 6:02 am

    Sipuna Ojha - So nice blog, Thanks for posting about journey and experience.ReplyCancel

  • August 16, 2017 - 3:25 pm

    Aylin Morales - Thank you for sharing your story, you are a very brave woman. I’ve also been dealing with infertility multiple fails IUIs. We are considering IVF soon.
    Wish you the best luck to you and your hubby, lots of baby dust to you both.ReplyCancel

    • September 1, 2017 - 11:41 am

      eat.sleep.wear. - Aylin, thank you for the kind words. Wishing you strength on your journey to grow your family. <3 <3 <3ReplyCancel

  • August 22, 2017 - 7:38 pm

    Stacy - I don’t even know the words to thank you for this post. My husband and I also got married in 2015 and started trying immediately after. I’ve always felt so strongly that it’s my calling to be a mother that I couldn’t wait. Over the last two years we’ve suffered two miscarriages, had to have surgery to remove uterine polyps, and had to get various vaccinations that caused us to delay starting IVF. It seemed like it was one piece of bad news after the other that I started to think I didn’t have the courage to move forward. But I agree, the goal is worth it and I’ve learned through this incredibly painful process that I’m stronger than I knew.

    We are now starting the process this weekend. My big scary box of medication and needles just arrived. I’m weirdly anxious and excited and terrified all at once. My biggest struggle has been the feel of failure I feel each time it doesn’t happen. I have felt that I’ve let my husband and family and friends down, but talking about it really helps! I’ve opened up to so many people and it’s therapy for me.

    Like you, I’m a consumer of information and it comforts me. Thank you for your bravery in sharing your journey as as it has given me strength going into mine. I wish you and Blake strength and luck as you move forward in your journey towards your family. Thank you for giving me the same.ReplyCancel

    • September 1, 2017 - 11:41 am

      eat.sleep.wear. - Stacy, Thank you for sending me such a personal note. I am excited for you that you have this new chance to grow your family. i know that deep, deep, dark pain of only knowing failure time and time again. It’s something so hard to describe unless you live through it. I totally agree that opening up has helped me get through those very hard times. Thank you again so much for showing me light through your hard times. Wishing you the BEST and I am sure you are getting closer to your retrieval any day!!! Sending you lots of strength for the time ahead. <3 KimReplyCancel

  • August 27, 2017 - 4:50 pm

    Samantha - This post was so hard for me to read as your experiences are so similar to mine. Looking back I can’t believe how much my husband and I went through; time, money, tears and frustration! It really makes you look and assess ones life. I wish you all the best as you continue your journey.

    I found my journey through fertility very lonely so thank you for sharing.ReplyCancel

    • August 28, 2017 - 9:49 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Samantha, Breaks my heart to hear you have been through the same thing. Big hug to you. Thank you for your kinds words. xo, KimReplyCancel

  • October 12, 2017 - 2:55 pm

    Kimberly Lapides of Eat Sleep Wear Gets Honest About Infertility & IVF | The Everygirl - […] fire was lit inside of me. I wanted to share our story so that if I could even help one person navigate this struggle a tiny bit easier, it would have all […]ReplyCancel

  • November 17, 2017 - 1:58 am

    Ben Tennyson - Wow indeed a great aspiring story to read. A great respect for sharing your story. Your bold move to open up your personal journey will definitely help everyone who is going through the same track of life. A stand up ovation to you from all of us.ReplyCancel

  • November 22, 2017 - 10:40 am

    Jaylyn - Thank you so much for putting this out there. Literally going through the same thing right now, and finally waiting to start drugs for the embryo transfer after a failed first cycle. It’s the most insane, awful time and the worst part is not having anyone who knows what you are going through. Talking about IVF is a stigma that needs to be broken. Best wishes to you guys on your second cycle and for better results. xoxo.ReplyCancel

    • November 22, 2017 - 11:33 am

      eat.sleep.wear. - Best of luck on your next cycle! So glad to be a safe place for you to come. You are not alone. xo, KimReplyCancel

  • November 29, 2017 - 3:41 am

    Moipone - We have been trying for a year. We have 1 daughter. To be honest the thought of hearing that I cant have another baby scares me. Dont know if I am prepared for that at all I am scared to find out why I have not gotten pregnant yet. The first time was easy. Thank you for sharing your storyReplyCancel

    • December 1, 2017 - 12:35 am

      eat.sleep.wear. - Stay strong. Wishing you lots of luck on your journey to baby. xoxo KimReplyCancel

  • January 3, 2018 - 12:46 pm

    Courtney - Thank you so much for this honest and accurate depiction of what so many of us struggle with. I read this with tears in my eyes. My husband and I have experienced 4 failed IUI’s and will start IVF in the coming months. I’m scared, frustrated, heartbroken, and emotional. Reading this helped me put everything into perspective. We’re not the only ones who are suffering. Thinking of you guys and sending good thoughts your way!ReplyCancel

    • January 4, 2018 - 2:38 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Wishing you nothing but the best. I know its a hard road but know you have what it takes to fight. Thank you again for the kind thoughts and wishing you so many positive vibes. xoReplyCancel

  • January 10, 2018 - 7:32 pm

    Weekend Reads No. 31 | Rhyme & Reason by Jillian - […] A must-read (and tear jerker) if you’ve ever wanted to get pregnant. Kim was so brave to write this post. […]ReplyCancel

  • January 22, 2018 - 11:16 am

    BEHIND THE SCREEN WITH EAT/SLEEP/WEAR – rewardStyle Blog - […] to Beauty, Lifestyle, Travel and many more topics. As of late, I have opened up and shared a very personal story and struggle with my readers and audience across all platforms. I am currently in the fight of my […]ReplyCancel

  • February 15, 2018 - 2:43 pm

    Alex - I feel for you, going through IVF myself (2 egg retrievals- one failed one successful), I am 4 days post failed implantation and know I only have one last change (one frozen embryo). As I am trying to cope with the idea that it will never happen, I decided to search for blogs like yours, to help heal.. it broke my heart to read your story.ReplyCancel

    • February 19, 2018 - 11:12 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Alex, I am so sorry to hear that you are also having to go through IVF. I have read, met, and heard from so many incredible woman fighting so hard for their families. The darkness is something that is very hard to explain to someone who has not been through it. I know the feeling of being in that position where everything rights on one last chance. Nothing about it is easy. The worst thing was when people would say to me, “it only takes one.” And while, yes, that is true, that doesn’t help someone battling with a very, very hard reality of where they are physically and emotionally having 1 embryo left. The only thing I can say is that we all just have to have hope. It’s the only thing I have been able to hang onto for dear life and I think it will get me to the other side. Wishing you the best of luck and please don’t give up. We are all here behind you. Stay strong! xo, KimReplyCancel

  • February 23, 2018 - 6:37 pm

    Anonymous - Hi there,

    Thank you SO much for writing all of this out in detail. I have had 3 ectopic pregnancies (naturally), and so have moved to IVF and just had my egg retrieval yesterday. Everything you described is EXACTLY my experience – from not wanting to accept that IVF is part of my story, to feeling super tired and crappy from all the stim meds. In the angst of waiting for my embryo results over the next few days, I googled “IVF blog” with the hopes of finding someone’s writing who could offer a catharsis to everything I’m feeling…and yours was one of the first to come up. I’m so glad I read it, as it has validated this whole process and the way that I’m perceiving it to be. Thank you so much for your openness and vulnerability! This is going to happen….for both of us!! Sending prayers and good baby vibes.ReplyCancel

    • February 25, 2018 - 7:44 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Thank you so so much for this note. Sad to hear about your own struggles but happy to hear you did your first egg retrieval and thinking good vibes for you! I am so glad you found me through the interwebs. Honestly I did the same thing and my favorite things to read were those that gave me a personal look at their experience. I am so happy to help in any small way and wishing you the best of luck on your journey to baby. xoxo KimReplyCancel

  • March 2, 2018 - 12:54 pm

    Rebecca - Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can identify so much with your fears and insecurities. We have done one cycle of IVF and it was traumatic to say the least. We transferred 2 embryos and ended up with beautiful twin boys which has been a whole other struggle! Keep the faith that it will happen for you this next go round. We are venturing down the FET (frozen Embryo transfer) road for an attempt at a 3rd child and all of the past fears and memories are proving difficult for me to work through. Your words are so spot on and it gives me comfort to know I am not crazy for being scared. I hope that you can find strength in our success story. I learned a lot through the first cycle and will do some things differently this time. A friend told me to always warm your refrigerated shots to body temperature before injection (put it under your arm for a bit) to minimize the “fire under your skin” feeling. Good luck in your next cycle!ReplyCancel

    • March 5, 2018 - 4:43 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Thank you Rebecca. If you read my recent post you will see that our miracle has come and we are pregnant! I also wrote blog posts for IVF 1, 2, and 3 so if they come in handy you can search them on my blog. They are under the category Health or you can just search IVF and they will all come up. Best of lucky. xoxo KimReplyCancel

  • April 2, 2018 - 1:54 am

    Jess - So happy to be reading about your experience with IVF as it makes me not feel like ‘I’m the only one’ going through this. NONE of my friends have had infertility issues so they are so supportive, but they just don’t completely understand.
    I’ve had 2 IUI’s but after finding out at the beginning of this process that I have endometriosis (I had absolutely no symptoms besides infertility), and the fact that it was pretty big in size (2 inches), we decided that the best option would be to take care of the endometriosis ASAP. The only problem being I’m 40. My doctor was concerned about damaging my ovary and then having less eggs than I currently am producing (my right side is not producing follicles well due to a cyst surgery when I was 17). Anyways, we decided IVF would be the safest route for me and my health and not playing the IUI mind wrenching game (can you tell I enjoyed it?!? hah. not).
    So now I just went through my first egg retrieval yesterday and they got 9! We were expecting 2-4. However, I got the call today that only 3 fertilized. 🙁 So now we must wait 5 days and see how many develop into precious embryos. 🙂 I’m trying to stay positive but sometimes it’s so hard.
    I am so happy to hear that you and your hubby are expecting! It is amazing and you are amazing for sharing your journey with everyone. It definitely helps those of us going through the same journey. Not an easy one, but definitely a life altering one. 🙂 xoxoReplyCancel

    • April 2, 2018 - 5:46 pm

      eat.sleep.wear. - Jess, thank you for your kind note. I totally agree that unless you have been through it, it’s near impossible to understand the physical and emotional hardships of the process. Exciting to hear you have treated your endo and did your first egg retrieval. Such positive steps in the right direction. Don’t give up hope on those 3 fertilized embryos!! I know it’s so hard to stay positive with so much on the line but wishing so much hope for you and your precious embryos. Sending good vibes! xo, KimReplyCancel

  • April 12, 2018 - 8:02 am

    Fertility Centre in Chennai - Nice post. All the best.ReplyCancel

  • May 23, 2018 - 12:27 am

    Femiint - Good blog..thanks for sharingReplyCancel

  • August 3, 2018 - 7:24 am

    Sumita Sofat - Thanks for sharingReplyCancel

  • August 19, 2018 - 11:11 pm

    IVF Clinic In Mumbai - Really heart touching story, you are strong woman. I appreciate your blog post. I hope soon you will get a great baby that will fill happiness in your life.ReplyCancel

  • September 7, 2018 - 11:04 am

    Medical Travel Czech - You are very brave to write about this topic. So much I understand how hard is to push the publish button. How hard is write those words. You two are really awesome couple and I wholeheartly belive you will have third (and possible fourth) member of your family soon and it will be the best kid around. 🙂ReplyCancel

  • March 3, 2019 - 11:27 pm

    Sarah - I have difficulty in conceiving the baby. So I was looking for options for fertility treatments and I came across your post & whattoexpect. By reading your post I gained knowledge on different options. I can now ask my doctor to suggest a better option for fertility. I just hope this goes easier for me. I am thankful for your post and I am in awe with your strength and courage. I hope to deal with it in the same way.ReplyCancel

  • May 20, 2019 - 1:48 am

    IVF ROUND 3 - eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides - […] a massive blog post talking about our infertility struggles, IUI’s and first round of failed IVF here. Before I get into everything, I want to remind everyone reading that everything I write about here […]ReplyCancel

  • May 20, 2019 - 1:50 am

    Prepping for FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) - eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides - […] have been lucky enough to get embryos from your egg retrieval. I wrote about our first failed FET here and one thing I will say is that since this was my second time around, it was easier since I knew […]ReplyCancel

  • June 10, 2019 - 1:20 pm

    BEHIND THE SCREEN WITH EAT/SLEEP/WEAR – rewardStyle - […] to Beauty, Lifestyle, Travel and many more topics. As of late, I have opened up and shared a very personal story and struggle with my readers and audience across all platforms. I am currently in the fight of my […]ReplyCancel

  • November 29, 2019 - 12:16 am

    Hayat MedTor | IVF in Iran - Thanks for sharing your experience and your description about IVF journeyReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2020 - 12:27 am

    Rainbow babies after the storm - eat.sleep.wear - […] you aren’t familiar, it was a very tough road for us to find our way to Otis. I first shared our struggles with infertility in one of the hardest posts I never thought I would have needed to write. A round of IVF, Embryo […]ReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2020 - 1:12 am

    Rainbow babies after the storm – Jimmys Post - […] you aren’t familiar, it was a very tough road for us to find our way to Otis. I first shared our struggles with infertility in one of the hardest posts I never thought I would have needed to write. A round of IVF, Embryo […]ReplyCancel

  • April 21, 2020 - 4:34 am

    Rainbow babies after the storm – Living Tips - […] you aren’t familiar, it was a very tough road for us to find our way to Otis. I first shared our struggles with infertility in one of the hardest posts I never thought I would have needed to write. A round of IVF, Embryo […]ReplyCancel

  • April 24, 2020 - 1:20 am

    COVID-19 CANCELLED MY FROZEN EMBRYO TRANSFER - eat.sleep.wear - […] you know that we struggled for a long time to bring Otis into the world. You can read all about our infertility and multiple rounds of IVF as I wrote a lot of pretty detailed posts throughout the process. After […]ReplyCancel

  • April 29, 2020 - 3:45 pm

    babyjump - Infertility is deeply painful. It shatters your hopes and what not. I have my uncle and aunt who have suffered for 18 years long battle with infertility and finally had a beautiful baby girl.ReplyCancel

  • April 30, 2020 - 3:53 pm

    Clover Baby & Kids + EatSleepWear Rainbows is here! - eat.sleep.wear - […] of Clover Baby & Kids on this special new print to celebrate those parents that have battled infertility and finally got their miracle babies. Its about celebrating life and love. Rainbows are a […]ReplyCancel

  • June 4, 2020 - 3:05 am

    Best IVF Centers - Thanks for sharing valuable information keepsharing blog like thisReplyCancel

  • September 1, 2020 - 5:15 pm
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  • January 13, 2021 - 7:09 am

    Gaudium - Very emotional Story, Best of luck on your next cycle! So glad to be safe. Thank you for postingReplyCancel

  • February 19, 2021 - 3:09 am

    Sonum Gautam - Congratulations, because as usual your life is wonderful! infertility ivf thanks to sharing your blogReplyCancel

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